Valentines Day Existentialism

In the middle of my delivery day I was overcome with a heart shuddering sense of nostalgia, a supreme appreciation of the present moment that I was existing in and an acknowledgement to the fact that this moment of time is so temporary. I’ve been delivering flowers all day and witnessing smiles, laughs, and little tender moments of love throughout the city.

I’m lucky enough to be surrounded by beautiful weirdos as we load our bags full to deliver these extremely temporary expressions of color, life, and love. The nostalgia reminded me that at some other time I will only be able to look back at this moment as a memory, at best, a photo. The feeling and knowing that I’m in my prime years, loving the feelings of being alive; breathing the delicious air, blood pumping through me as I climb hills, feeling the sweat and the chemicals that my body is making and the knowing that someday it won’t be like this. Someday I won’t be surrounded by friends who also love being young and strong and alive. Someday I won’t remember exactly what it was like during the Valentine’s Day rush when I was 32 years old and I was having a perfect lighting moment.

Just like the flowers, the moments and even our bodies are temporary. It’s bittersweet to zoom out on life in that joyous moment and know that your life is going to end but it’s ok because at some moment in the middle you were in full bloom, shining full colors, and you were in love with being alive.