Happy Birthday, Dad ❤

There’s no better man in our life than our dad. They’re the barricades in our fragile younger years, and they’re our monuments against the waves of troubles. They are our Captain America. Our Batman. Our superhero.

Mine was like any other dad; a protector, a great knight. And he was — will always be — the epitome of a great dad. I can always be that selfish — smiles.

I miss him. And I don’t know how long I can keep this heavy lump in my chest from getting over me. I just can’t simply bring myself to even tear a little. I’m scared. I’m scared that if I do that, I’d lose him completely. It’s like, that emotion inside me was his entirety. That if I lose myself, I’d lose every thing about him. And it’s hard to keep it locked there inside my rib-cage every single day.

Most of you can’t see it, but I’m not the same person that I was when my dad was still here. To be honest, it felt like half of me was buried with him.

I miss him so much, that even writing this is a hard task for me. But I have to share how good and how amazing a man my dad was — is. I’m glad that I’m not writing this on paper, because if I have chosen to it’ll only get full with tears.

So the other day, I thought of going through my family’s photos. I kind of wanted to put them on a safer box so eight legged insects won’t find them and make their homes using them ’cause I don’t want to waste every precious pieces of them. I know I was expecting emotions, but not when I stumbled to my dad’s photo where he was smiling at the camera. So oblivious of anything. Carefree and enjoying life.

I cried. It was hard not to. I miss him smiling like that. And I miss his laugh. I felt my chest breaking and I’m just glad my mom wasn’t around to hear and see how messed up I was. I’m glad I was alone. I won’t see his smile, living smile, for a long time.

Then I thought maybe I was in a bit of a long term denial for months. I never looked over his photos and disregarded the fact that he still has his things around, like his favorites music collection. Rock and Roll jams. Slow Rock mix tapes. Rock Ballad music instrumentals. Though I’m glad I’ve been a part of his music life. He wasn’t that good of a singer, and he would always make fun of it himself. It was just that the songs he collected were all about romantic love and powerful heartbreaking songs. And because of it — a revelation, maybe — I began to hate Radio stations’ Sunday Slow Rock Play-lists. But for how ironic this universe is, my phone has a few set play-list of these songs. Maybe, I just can’t simply let them go. Maybe I won’t let them go.

It’s like, that emotion inside me was his entirety. That if I lose myself, I’d lose every thing about him.

Then there were photos of him when I was Mr. Europe way back in grade school. That was one of the happiest event of my life not because I got to wear a European Mad Hatter’s Hat, but because he went home just to see me strut with my tight navy blue tuxedo. I was filled with a rare feeling, seeing him with my mom waving and smiling at me while I was trembling with fear of falling down the parade platform. And just to add, seeing my grandma waiving at a different Mister just ahead of me. Remembering it, I was stuffed with happiness. My dad was there for me.

As I looked through the photos, there were photos of my dad with my mom from a celebration. Couples for Christ anniversary I think. They were younger and looked happier. All the time, as I will remember, they love hanging out together. I would always remember the smile of my mom every time my dad comes back home. Apart from the food and whatever he’d bring back home, it was my mom’s smile that was overflowing. Love. But I never understood much about love then, just a feeling of pure happiness seeing someone important to your life. And as much as I want to see him too, it was his magic hands that would excite me because food. Japanese food. Oh how much I miss them.

And maybe this is not important to you, although you would notice it too with your mom, but now my mom doesn’t have that kind of smile anymore. And I couldn’t imagine how heavy she misses dad. But I’m happy that she’s finding a different outlet to have herself laugh that way again, even not much to that extent.

Then I continued, because at that minute I couldn’t stop myself. The emotion was simply rushing in. I saw a photo of him in his Chef uniform. And I cried thinking about everyone that I lost.

He was a good Chef, and his Japanese cooking skill was superb. I’m biased, but in reality he was a great Chef. He was able to share his knowledge as a cook to young aspiring chefs too. And he was able to help them. Too kind. Yes, he was really kind. A kindness that I wish I got -well, just a tad bit little. And because of his kindness he met good friends, people who still remember him.

Then I stumbled on a photo when I was really young, a ball of life. I was scared of almost anything, and the sea was one of them. Until now, really. He thought me how to swim and talked about the life he has when he was young like I was on the photo. He grew up near the sea, and my dad and his siblings would catch fishes for income. With all his experiences, he grew up to become a resourceful man, a kind person, and a loving father.

My dad was there for me.

Oh, and he likes superhero movies. I remember cooking popcorn when he’d get back home and we’d sit to watch superhero movies, mom would join too. It’s funny that I don’t feel like watching movies alone now, I’ll just remember him. But don’t worry dad, we’d still watch Avengers Infinity War together. Maybe mom would want to, you know. Or with my friends? But I’ll watch it with you dad, I promise.

Well dad, I learned a lot from you, but there are still much to learn. Maybe now I’m left with your legacy, but I promise you that it won’t stop there. I will have to learn things you learned by heart when you were alive — when you were growing up. I won’t be as great as you were and I’m not like you when you were my age, but you left me with so much room to learn.

I miss you dad, and I’m sure it’ll last forever. I will always look at you as a stone. A strongest one there is.

I love you dad, so much. Happy Birthday. And from now on, I’ll blow the candle for you.