Stealing back my Lost Words

There is really a time when we lose our ability to write, and not everyone will have the time to come back.

It has been months that I wasn’t able to write the way I did when I was in college, where almost every day I wrote anything to pass my time. It was a time when I thought “words are my world”, but after a while I was taken by a different interest that I almost forgot about what had made me write shorts stories in our University Magazine.

I was filled with enthusiasm to become a writer and to become someone book fans would appreciate.

I could even see myself in a book being showcased on a bookstore shelf, and I almost get that done on my novel Emergence. Until I had to remove it from Amazon.com to create an over-all different story -with which I retained the name. I could say it was a wasted effort, archived in my hard drive.

At that point I told myself it would be hard for me to find a story that would match the ideas I had, and a time to actually write them down. It took me months to write Emergence, and re-writing it from scratch would take me a few more. It really took the magic away from me, and it depressed me for a bit.

I tried to correct the mistakes I did with Emergence but it seemed like all the words I had was stolen from me. I couldn’t pass through a Prologue and Chapter One, I will reread them and will delete them completely. I wonder, maybe I need to go back to what made me interested with writing. Horror. A genre I was so happy to write, and brought me that fear every time I expressed myself through the pages I’ve written.

I wrote a study about Dystopia in college as my thesis, and I have decided I wanted to try the genre. Guns. Walls. Fighters who can fight governments. They were a lot to work with, and the genre needs a fundamental research. I pushed myself to write about it, and I failed it with my Emergence.

Then, I thought, what was the use of me reading Stephen King books and watching horror movies back then? My drive to publish something about the macabre and fear? Maybe, I thought, this could bring me back.

With a sudden realization that took me years to mentally dig, I began to drift on a new direction — a twist from my world of horror and light novel. I then looked for a good illustrator to have my characters shown in paper, and I was lucky enough to find someone who was excellent on the job. When I got the physical illustration of my characters, I dropped my “guns and walls” and began writing a book about the horrors of fear, then TO FADE AWAY was born. It wasn’t a quick process, but it took a lot of time to begin the novel.

I began by creating the background stories of my characters — stories that solidified their identities. I became enthralled with my characters and I wanted to get them on paper the soonest possible there is. But since I have to work on them with as much passion I had in college, I worked my way slowly. Slowly.

Because of it, I developed the sense of stealing — not a copyright infringement or something — stealing all the words I lost. Those words that brought my characters to life.

I know that from here on it’s going to be something. I have to learn from the mistakes I did with my previous works and I have to stick to what I’m good at.

TO FADE AWAY will have it’s first few chapters available (since it’s a light novel) soon.