Water and Blood

I never thought that this day would end like this, even though how hard I tried to make this better for me.

I’d like to make this a platform where I’d like to express myself instead of really clutching it inside my heart. I mean, it’s really heavy.

Now, you’d ask why? Why water and blood?

Let’s put it this way, blood is relative while water is someone who isn’t; a friend per se.

I’ll tell you what’s happened…

It was the Christening of my cousin and of course it’s the time when you can talk and be with your cousins and all. But, surprisingly, it never happened.

I was even wondering why, is it because I didn’t get the achievements that they got? What happened to those years when we were so close as if nothing will break us apart? Why so sudden? What’s changed?

I’m an only child, and I don’t have that feeling of being really close with someone other than myself. I feel awkward if I’m with a lot of people, as though the gravity is squeezing me to a pulp.

That was exactly what happened to me. Particularly, my cousin, even though I tried to catch her gaze would simply pass her eyes away from me. What changed?

Maybe it’s me who’s only feeling that way, or maybe I was just over reacting? I don’t know. I really don’t know.

So yeah, from the church, the only person who has talked to me was my Architect cousin. That was that. If I really was weak, I’d cry already. But hell I would? I mean, should I let them show that I was really that weak? Of course not.

There was this idea that my dad told me when he was alive: “when they achieve something, they’d know no one except themselves.”

He was right, really right about that.

Hahaha. I probably am talking like I was drunk but this is how I currently feel rather than fall to my knees and cry.

Funny.

I might have pulled myself with a tight rope but I can’t do that. I won’t do that. I’m not weak or anything. So what the hell right?

Anyway, I decided to give myself a room to breath and prayed. Breath and relax.

From now on, it’s me and no one else. And some of my friends who really are thoughtful.

Water is sometimes thicker than blood, eh?