The-Bro-Code-Of-Traveling
Whether we accept it or not, each of them guy-trips is governed by an internalised code of conduct. Some call it mannerisms. Others call it rules. I call it “The Bro-Code of Road-Trips”. The origin of this code dates all the way back to the dawn of humanity. It has been passed on from Ibn Brotuta to Christopher Brolumbus, all the way to Bilbro Baggins, before Broney Stinson caught hold of it.
While the original document is housed ten stories beneath sea level in an undisclosed vacuum-sealed bullet-proof nuclear-bunker, I was able to gain access long enough to manufacture a replica & update it Brocordingly. #TrueStory
Article 1: Bro-of before show-off
NOTE: Article #1 can trace its genesis all the way back to….genesis. A bond between two living Bros is stronger than a bond between two dead Bros. That’s just…..science. A Bro is never entitled to drive unless other Bros vote in favour of his presence of mind, driving skills & capability.
Article 2: A Bro is entitled to do something stupid as long as the rest of his Bros are all doing it.
NOTE: If only one Spanish dude were to run down the street in front of a bunch of angry bulls, people would be like “Dude, come on!”. If only one person were to throw colours at random people on the street, people would be like “Dude, come on!”. If only one person were to dance in the middle of a mall all of a sudden, people would be like “Witch Please!”.
P.S: The license to be stupid is why we have Bros in the first place.
Article 3: Whether he cares about songs or not, a Bro always cares about songs during a road trip.
NOTE: One can find it written all over the stone tablets which God himself handed over to Broses, minutes after The Big Bro-bang (no pun intended).
Exception: All Chick Justin Bieber Songs.
Article 4: When a Bro is with his Bros, there are no “I WONTs”
NOTE: A Bro by definition is always willing to try out new things & be ready for the ones he never wanted to try at all -This comes from the same source that all logic comes from.
Article 5: A Bro never wears gaudy pink. No! not even in Europe.
NOTE: It’s just common sense, bro! Tangerine is fine. Salmon too. But, not gaudy pink… unless you want to come to the party as the butt of all jokes
Exception — Suits! ALL COLORS ARE COOL IF THEY’VE BECOME A SUIT.
Article 6: Even in a drought, a Bro flushes…..twice!
EXTRA NOTE: If a Bro is in the bathroom & runs out of toilet paper, another Bro may toss him a new roll, but at no point may their hands touch or the door open more than 0.33 seconds -you gotta be lightning quick while doing dirties, bro!
Article 7: A Bro must always pay for another Bro, if he is broke -unless it is crazy expensive.
NOTE: There’s BRO in broke, why are you even asking that question, Bro?
Here’s the math tho => (Crazy expensive > (years you’ve been Bros) * $100)
Article 8: A Bro shall always say yes in support of another Bro.
NOTE: When out & about, a Bro must be prepared to affirm anything a fellow Bro tells a random super-cute stranger. “Yes, the spouse died”. “Yes, we’re Astronauts”. “Yes, he invented time-travel”. “Yes, we were on Game Of Thrones — and not the unsullied”
Article 9: If two Bros get into a heated argument over something & one says something out of line, the other shall not expect him to take it back or apologise to make amends.
NOTE: Because that’s just inhuman.
Exception: A Bro’s Mom is always off limits.
Article 10: Bros shall go camping once a year or at least attempt to have an outdoor BBQ party.
NOTE: BBQs are a MUST, legalities and cooking knowledge notwithstanding.
Article 11: A Bro never asks for directions when lost.
Exception 1: A Bro may ask for directions from a hot stranger who seems to know the area.
Exception 2: A Bro may ask for directions from a hot stranger even if they appear lost.
Exception 3: A Bro may ask for directions from a hot stranger even if they’re not lost at all.
Exception to Exception: A Bro may ask for directions from an ugly stranger with hot friends.
Article 12: If a Bro asks another bro to keep a secret, he shall take it to his grave*. This is what makes them Bros after-all.
NOTE: *And even beyond the beyond… if the Bro discovers life after death.
Article 13: A Bro is always psyched. Always!
NOTE: Not necessary — I am currently under oath of Article 12.
Exception: NEVER.
Article 14: If a Bro lends another Bro a t-shirt, sunglasses, camera or entire furniture, he shall not expect to ever get it back, unless his Bro happens to die & bequeath it back to him.
NOTE: Applies to Bro’s compendium of the sacred hot stranger scrapbook as well.
Article 15: While a Bro is not expected to know exactly how to change a tire, he is required to at least drag out the jack & stare at the flat for a while. If he needs to consult the car’s manual to locate the jack, he shall do so from inside the car, where he is not visible to passersby & where he can discreetly call a tow truck, after which it is recommended that he hide the jack by the side of the road so he’ll have a legitimate excuse when the tow truck arrives.
Article 16: A bro always laughs at another bro’s jokes — NO MATTER HOW BAD IT IS!
NOTE: Especially louder in front of the hot stranger.
Exception: Yo Momma’s always off limits.
Article 17: A Bro only claims a fart after first accusing at least one other Bro during a road trip.
Exception: “Pull my finger”
VIOLATIONS of the Bro Code may result in a fine amounting up to $250,000 and/or in some cases, permanent Dis-Broment.Approved Punishments
- Designated all-time tip leaver
- Loss of permanent shotgun & dibs status
- Revocation of wingman status
- Temporary revocation of the usage of the word ‘Bro’
Question: What do you call a bro who abides by this and is always in his element? Answer: BROmine!
