The Great Disappointment
And then Metaxas, the Master of Ceremonies, said unto them — every single one of them — from the Flat-Earth pharmacist and Looney Greene and friends to the MyPillow CEO, the grocery store owner, former and current military, police, local and state officials, Thomas Clerk World, America’s Frontline Doctors, Karleen’s mom, Yoga students, workaday CEOs, shop owners, doctors, lawyers, IT specialists, and accountants, the guys next door and the gals in the Church pews, “When you pray, say”…
Our Great White Father,
Who Art of the Deal,
Hallowed be thy Jeremiad.
But your 11,780 votes did not come from Georgia,
So the Jericho March just had to be done,
On the U.S. Capitol as it was attempted in Michigan.
Give us this Shitposting our SCAMDEMIC bread,
And forgive us the QAnon Shaman and the Exorcists.
As we have forgiven the Butcher from Lebanon and the Midland Florist.
And please do not deliver us unto the Jezebel or the Reptilian Overlords,
But rescue us from the Jewish Space Lasers and Baby-Eating Cannibals.
For thine are the Vikings, the Crusaders, and the Confederates,
And the Proud Boys, the Oath Keepers, and the Boogaloo Bois are (y)ours forever and ever. R’amen.
* This prayer is certainly not des Herrn and is in no way associated with the “Straight White American Jesus” podcast — which hosts some great shows!
Important If this blog post has you thinking about suicide (or homicide), please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1–800–273-TALK (8255) or text the Crisis Text Line at 741–741 (or call 911). If you (or someone you know) participated in the insurrection, contact the FBI immediately. If you (or someone you know) feel(s) stuck and need(s) help, try some Free Radicals. There is life after hate and redemption is always possible. What do you have to lose? We still love you. You’re very special to us. This is not a joke.
