An open letter to my lost twin.

It’s been two weeks that my mother told me that I was not supposed to come alone in this world. She explained that we were two and that we could not make it together so you decided to let me live instead. Writing it down is making me crying, now that it is on the paper, my tears are running along my cheeks. I was not prepared for that, now I realize it.

I want to write about it, to pay tribute to you and to the loving act you did for me. My mother told me that all I have to do to thank you is to live my life fully. But here is the thing, I feel empty.

Before I learned about you, I was looking for my soul sister, not a lover, but a soul mate who would have been able to read my thoughts and be my missing half. But nobody has never been this person, now I understand why…

You see, even before I heard about you, I developed a fascination for twins since childhood which never left me. I can see the differences between them at first glance, perceive which one has the upper hand in the relationship, or the reason why sometimes some are not close to each other. I developed a kind of intuition for that, now I understand why…

I can feel that you would have been a boy. I can be boyish sometimes, I get that from you I guess. For even if you are not alive, you are living in me. I bear a bit of your soul in my body. I bear your fighting for life, fighting for those who are dear to you, fighting for remaining alive.

My boyfriend keeps telling me that I have energy for two, now I understand why…

I find you in my writings, my drawings, my thoughts, my songs, my work, you are the artistic part of me and I feel more alive when I have to draw and write. You are my fiction, I am your reality.

I am grateful but I miss you so much. It is strange to know someone you have never seen in the flesh.

Not my friends, nor my lover, no one will fill in the whole in my heart. Nevertheless, I am cheered by the idea that you are my guardian angel. I cannot see you, but I can feel you deeply. You are more alive than ever. Dead people can be more alive than living persons.

From a moon to her sunshine.