Asking better questions: What I learned about coaching at Kabbage
In the summer of 2018, I walked back into the office after a 6-week sabbatical to a row of new faces. Three new designers had started while I was gone, and another designer had joined shortly prior. A few months ago, our entire UX department consisted of only three people. Now it had more than doubled, and I was the team lead. I was completely intimidated.
Kabbage was going through a surge of growth, and I was swept right along with it. Previously I’d churn through work, cranking out mockups and prototypes left and right. We were a lean team that moved fast, pumping out work at breakneck speed. Now it was time to slow down and start being more intentional about our work. We shifted our processes and began hiring, and suddenly I went from being a direct contributor to managing a growing team. Overall, it meant that I spent less time designing and more time in meetings (and more meetings). It was a time of stretching, and it was uncomfortable. I struggled to find footing in my new role and to find value in the new way I now contributed to the team.
Searching for guidance and a healthy dose of confidence, I began reading everything I could find about leadership and coaching. Taking advantage of all the great amenities at Kabbage, I took a coaching class based partially off the writings of David Rock. The class began with the theme, “Like a stagecoach, a Coach takes someone from Point A to Point B.,” and centered around the philosophy that an impactful coach helps others become better thinkers by guiding them to make their own connections. Here is some of what I’ve learned.
When people come to you for solutions, it’s better to help them think through the problem.
In Quiet Leadership, David Rock discusses the value of helping people think through problems and come up with their own solutions, rather than training them to depend on you for answers. People usually have the information they need to come up with the best solution for them, they just need help with the thinking process. He states that improving the way that employees think leads to higher productivity, new levels of morale, and greater job satisfaction.
Avoid the urge to immediately provide a solution.
This is actually really hard to do. It’s so tempting to say, “What I would do is…” Problem solving is fun and hard to resist. Instead, practice empathetic listening rather than thinking about how YOU would handle the situation. Don’t assume you have all of the knowledge that the other person has about the topic, and don’t assume that your solution is the best.
Use thinking questions to guide the conversation.
Although you can find a list of sample questions in this book, a handy tip is to use the work “think” in the question. “What steps do you think you could you take? How do you think you might best move this forward? What do you think we need to do as a team to be successful on this project?” Then, get commitment for action. A great way to end a coaching conversation is by asking, “How would you like me to hold you accountable?”
Keep the focus on the solution instead of getting distracted by details.
It’s human nature to vent, especially when we’re struggling. When this happens, it’s easy for people to get mired in the details of a problem. The coach’s goal is to help bring the team member from the past into the future. A way to do this is by asking solution-focused questions. Rather than “Why isn’t this working?” try “How do you think we can make this work?” When you hear someone getting into the weeds of a problem, it’s time to take a mental step back and bring the conversation to a higher level.
People are more likely to follow through on their own suggestions.
Everyone’s brains are different. Your solutions are closely geared to how you prefer to work. What may work well for you might not be the best for someone else. Besides, people are much more likely to act on their own thoughts and decisions. Helping others with their thinking and guiding them to unlock their potential builds confidence, autonomy, and hopefully a future leader.
What’s the impact?
I’ve been learning and practicing this method for a few months now and I believe it has helped build trust, both in my relationships with team members and in their relationships with each other. There’s an understanding that feeling “stuck” in a project isn’t something to be ashamed of. Team members are comfortable talking through issues, sharing ideas, and turning to each other for help and feedback. Because they know I see them as extremely smart and capable, there’s increased confidence through autonomy and an environment of open dialogue.
You won’t always get it right.
Putting this method into practice is a constant work in progress. I often walk out of a meeting realizing that I missed an opportunity to help someone make a connection because I gave in to the urge of providing my immediate solution. I try to recognize what happened and use it as a learning moment to guide coaching behavior next time.
You don’t need to have all the answers.
Isn’t it my job as a leader to provide solutions? Isn’t that what people want? To be clear, I’m not talking about never stating an opinion or making adjustments when a project needs help. But in the context of a coaching conversation, the coach’s role is not to give advice, but to help the coachee find their best solution. I’ve found this method incredibly freeing. You don’t need to have all the answers to help guide someone towards a solution. You just need to ask the right questions.
“To tell denies or negates another’s intelligence. To ask honors it.”
— Sir John Whitmore
