Founders, Town Halls, and Paneer Butter Masala

Kalinga’s reliable analysts and stenographers are back at it again to give you *reliable* updates on the reality TV show, Founders, Town Halls, and Paneer Butter Masala. Our team was hooked onto our screens for this one, and we hear the TRP rating was quite high. Enjoy.

1. “I don’t know if statistics is a part of your curriculum, but correlation doesn’t imply causation.” (We don’t know if your course curriculum included a course on anger management but what you just did was rant without proving a point)
2. “We will definitely send you a statement reaffirming our Ashokan ideals.”
3. “We are not administrators. But we will administrate.”
4. “I am requesting you to have faith in us, if you didn’t have faith in us we wouldn’t be having this conversation” (Oh, darling).
5. “What assurances have been given in town halls which haven’t been met, even if they are not by us?” (After hearing a list) “Oh, they were not by us” :’)
6. “By agreeing with you, we would be undermining you.”
7. “4/156”
8. “This university is SO young.” (vaccination karvaya shishu ka?)
9. “Students have been writing, speaking, tweeting on social media… (why). Has anyone asked you?”
10. “I know you’re feeling insecure after what has happened.”
11. “I am a firm believer…”
12. “I was there at Pratap’s house for breakfast when *bleep* apologized.” (chai pe charcha with S, A, P — A trio focussed on only sapping our energy)
13. “We’ll categorically enforce” (adherence to formal conversation — aka maybe don’t have breakfast at each other’s houses for political “feedback” conveyance).
14. “I can’t assure you anything can be done.”
15. “Anything will take several days, maybe weeks” (my motivation about my deadlines).