Home Affairs Leak
Ministry of Ghar ki Baat
30.03.21
To Shri. (REDACTED)
Report on Trigger of Pandemic Bad Vibes over World (Second Wave)
Dear Sir,
As per your directions, prompt investigation has been led alongside scientific bodies, headed by Patanjelly, into the second wave. Findings are as follows:
Probable Causes
- International Black Magic Activity
- Internal Black Magic Activity
Prime Suspects
-Liberal Arts Universities:
- Spirit-killing courses suck joy out of life
- Weed (=bad)
- Lifeless, loveless youth want to ruin good times for us all
- Courses such as ‘Thinking Like A Psychologist’ promote mind-reading and other invasive, illicit activity
Suspected Strategy
-Coordinated network of high level kaala jaadu experts (see solidarity statements released by international academia in favour of notorious Powerful Black Magician)
-Using subliminal messaging to induce false beliefs that:
- Pandemic is due to virus
- Religious festivals and processions are spreading virus
- H.E. Shri. (REDACTED) is giving away vaccines for clout, causing shortages in country
Possible Solutions
-Reels Ban:
- TikTok in sheep’s clothing
- Known to induce hypnotic state where for hours the same content penetrates subconscious
- Used by networks as tool for subliminal messaging
-See ‘witch tiktok’; ‘law of attraction’; mentions of ‘the secret’ but no elaboration: probably international secret society aiming to destroy India considering Shri. (REDACTED) has not been invited
-See OopIndia investigative piece: How Dancing On Social Media is Polluting Female Minds By Threatening Financial Dependence
-Banning Elections
- StayHomeStaySafe
- Unnecessary drama when we know panditji of Shri. (REDACTED) has legally, constitutionally hexed opposition parties
-Mandatory Pots and Pans Banging Every Full Moon
Sincerely,
(REDACTED)
Secretary of Internal Matter Hai Why Are You Interfering
Ministry of Ghar Ki Baat
