Save The Date #1
Save The Date is Ashoka University’s first and only love advice portal. Fire your questions to std_at_ashoka@yahoo.com and we will get back to you in 90 days(on paper at least).
The Columnist: Richard Tater joined Ashoka University’s Student Life Office in the year 2018, around the same time that std_at_ashoka@yahoo.com started. Richard studied civil engineering in Allapuzha, Kerala, after which he graduated from the YIF in 2017. He was uncontainably excited to be our columnist. His credentials did come into question, but we were satisfactorily assured that our permissions for Kalinga would be revoked if we did not choose him. He is also the freshly chosen head of CADI, but that’s more information than you need.
Q. Dear Richard, I thought I liked boys all my life, but recently I have been getting more and more curious and aroused by the idea of making love to a woman. Will it be too weird to approach girls for experimentation?
-Chloe Zetted
A. Dear Chloe,
I am all for experimentation! Currently, I am running an experiment myself. It is to see how narrow the hot water timings can be made before the subsequent colds and pneumonia outbreaks cause more expenditure in the infirmary than what we’ll be saving by not heating up water. When a balance is struck, my experiment will be successful and Ashoka will have saved a couple lakh rupees that can be spent on more CCTV cameras and hostel guards and we’ll have a more o̶p̶p̶r̶e̶s̶s̶e̶d̶ disciplined student body!
Whoops, I’m rambling. Coming to your question, please do go ahead. Who knows, you might enjoy being with women a lot more than men. Who knows, you might be fully lesbian. (On a side note, please let us know if you are lesbian. It puts you in great stead for being vegan, after which ICS can prepare a little less chicken on Wednesdays and Fridays and I won’t have to hear their whining about how chicken prices have shot through the roof). Please ask your female friends to become vegan, erm, I mean, experiment with women too.
Q. Dear Richard, last Thursday I was at SSP trying to drink away my feeling of impending doom that was caused by the upcoming economics exam. There I met the most amazing guy. We hooked up four times that night, and when I finally asked him his name and what he intends to do with his life he said he too wants to drop out of college and live in the mountains near Kasol! This has been my lifelong dream too, and I think he’s the perfect person to do it with! Do you think it’s a viable plan, and if yes, where can I submit my application for dropping out of Ashoka?
-Faye Lear
A. Dear Faye,
We would be glad to facilitate your ambitions. Please hand in your application to the OAA on Monday, and ask that guy to do it too.
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Hang on! I have been informed that you’re not the financial aid student I mistook you for! Since you’re paying the full, entire, whopping, delicious 9 lakh a year, we cannot let you drop out. We want to see you graduate and become the best economist you can possibly be. Stop thinking about Kasol and study for your exams.
