SHOCKING: Weekend trip to Chandni Chowk reveals banana does NOT cost 10 rupees!

A shocking discovery made on Saturday afternoon has caused an uproar in the student body and left the Administration in disarray. A weekend excursion to Chandni Chowk undertaken by two third-year students led them to discover that a banana does not, in fact, cost ten rupees. Instead, one can buy up to three (four if you’re persuasive, five if you’re an asshole) bananas with 10 bucks. This discovery comes in the wake of a resurgence of price-sensitivity among students on campus that is no longer cool with being served ten fries for 140 rupees. A #FeedMeDon’tFleeceMe campaign has been steadily gaining momentum on social media.
The third-year students involved in the investigation are political science majors. Proud of their vast chunks of theoretical knowledge, they decided to go and see with their own eyes the utopian systems they had studied all these years. Imagine their surprise when instead of a golden-brown haze of socio-political harmony they found instead poverty, squalor, destitution, and of course, cheap bananas.
“I am shocked,” said one of them. “You’re telling me that all this time, I’ve been paying thrice the amount for a single banana? “ This is the problem with privilege. You always get what you want, but you gotta pay more. It’s really unfair.”
Part of the reason the Banana Problem is garnering such attention is that it is an essential component of the diet of all gym-goers, wannabe yoga practitioners, and vegans. It means all those banana milkshakes that leave the roof of your mouth feeling like it’s been scraped with a toothpick don’t have to be this expensive! It has caused students to stop and question food prices on campus, to doubt the vendor who serves overpriced stuff on the pretext that it is ‘organically grown in your mum’s backyard’ or that it is ‘so healthy it’ll grow you a fresh liver’.
Fuel Zone and Juice Bar have unionized and have denied comment.
While the allegations remain unproven, insider sources tell us that the SG was well aware of the exorbitant pricing of bananas on campus. It was, in fact, actively involved in Banana Gate wherein it purchased bananas in bulk at a cheap price and charged a ten percent commission on every unit sold on campus. The result was that the vendors, keen on making a decent profit, ended up tripling the price of the banana.
We reached out to the SG for comment. It denied the allegations and asked us to drop the investigation since Ashoka is a banana republic anyway. Most rumors are just ends-in-themselves.
Something tells us, however, that this has happened before, and is likely to happen again.
Over the last few days, banana sales on campus have plummeted since everyone has gone bananas over the banana business. One can only hope the authorities stop monkeying around and get this mess sorted before Ashokan students start trying to source their own food from the farmers around Ashoka, whose existence has so far gone unnoticed.
