His Coronation

I stood there amidst the river of humanity who passed through the palace. Smells from many lands crossed my nostrils- this group was Mithila, another group from Uttara, that one from Gandhara..oh so many of them.

I stood there amidst that swirl watching everything. But my heart was watching him, he who I had pursued even before I had known his name. Sitting there in the centre of this coronation, the Sun around which all of Ayodhya and the men beyond orbited.

I knew but one name and that sufficed.

Chakravathi, emperor or emperors, they called him. The bards sang, uttering a hundred names, each capturing one of his numerous god-like qualities. I was no bard. I knew but one name and that sufficed. That name was a piece of himself just for me to savour, to embrace, to seek solace and strength.

Time passed and the time for thanks arrived. No monkey, no foot soldier was overlooked. All received, all were happy. I stood there all along, in my own thoughts yet watching it all.

And then someone nudged me, I came back to the present and heard the stranger say, “He calls you”, with a finger pointing towards him. I focussed outward, clearing blur of senses.

I saw her first, smiling at me. “Mother” I thought to myself and pushed through the river of people, curbing an urge to leap towards them. I got close, saw them both and the courtiers clearly. He looked at me, on the edge of his throne as if he would get up and come to clear people to have me reach him sooner.

The thumping in my chest got louder, drowning out hearing..thump, thump..it went on, ear lobes warm, palms with a patina of sweat and tail twitching..I who leaped to Lanka was struggling to take few paltry steps.

Reaching, I bowed down, hands in a pranaam.

“What do you want Hanuman?”, she asked.

“..”, what would I ask? What could I ask? What use is anything, I thought.

“Ask what you want”, he said now.

Removing a cluster of preciousness strung together she asked me to come close. I stepped closer, bowed a little to receive the priceless chain.

Moment my palms received the chain I knew it, this was not it. What use, it did not have him..did not hold anything of him. Oh what use was it then!

What use, it did not have him..did not hold anything of him. Oh what use was it then!

Then it struck me, she must know what he meant to me, perhaps he is contained in this chain somewhere. I was just a monkey, perhaps I did not understand. I took the chain and bit the glittering stones one by one..biting, checking the pieces, but no…I could not find anything. Then I looked up, saw the horror on the faces of everybody and the mother perplexed. Oh no, what had I done?

“What happened Hanuman? Why did you bite the chain? Did you not like what Sita gave?”, he asked.

“I was looking for you”, I said..ashamed to have dissapointed them both.

I heard the snicker and smiles..the murmur travelling like bees across the hall. “Oh monkeys!”, “No wonder”, “Why does our king like him?”

“So you do not take anything without our king in it?”, asked a courtier.

“Yes”, I said.

“What about your body then? You hold it, you eat, play and frolick. What about it, does your body have him?”

What fools I thought. Do they not know, do they not see him within themselves? I felt something surging within. The spine became as a serpent the mystics spoke of, surging and raising..I held myself.

“Yes”, I said again.

“Show us”, said the courtier. Smiles everywhere, the thought floating everywhere, “Just a monkey”

The surge in my spine continued. Body became a fortress. Fires were lit within, a fire none saw. I felt the old gods wake within, awake from their partial slumber. Old gods donning their garb of fire, shining and perfect, each fire-tongue perfectly leaping. My body a fortress lit up as if preparing for battle, or perhaps the arrival of its Lord.

I did not know what to do. I still saw him there. Men, blind men..such fine clothes but no sight I thought. How does one show what is inside, what is in my heart?

There seemed no way they could see. I had but one option and I knew what it would mean. I looked up at him, drinking with my eyes all of him..breathing him in…I lifted my palms, curved the strong simian fingers..the nails were crude but would do the job.

Still watching him..

I plunged my fingers in my chest..

Push, again..the fingers were inside now..

I opened myself, my chest was open.

There was pain. The screams, the people fainting and falling.

I continued to see him.

Then I said, “See, here is my Rama”

The damn burst then, I cried out…

I saw the Mother watch in wonder, and him smiling at me as if he always guessed this would happen, as if he knew all this, as if he knew me better than myself.

He smiled and was close to me. His right palm came towards me and touched where I had ripped my chest. He touched and made me as before.

Spreading his arms towards me, he said, “Come Hanuman”.

I stepped closer, he embraced me.

Better than how it fees in my heart I thought and embraced him. My mind surrendered, washed over with his name.

“I am always with you Hanuman, you will be with me forever”, said he.

“Raama, Raama”, was all I could say.