Insecurities by Ming Wei (13)
Ming Wei (not his real name) was often envied by his peers, for staying in a luxurious bungalow and having plenty of allowance. To everyone, he should be a happy teenager. However, he was not. His parents divorced when he was nine. Later, his father accepted a position overseas and has employed a domestic worker to take care of Ming Wei. However, without parental supervision, he befriended a group of friends with whom he began to shoplift. His photos revealed his perspectives— his desperations and emotions.
My friends often tell me how they wish they could be like me, living in such a big, pretty house. But, what’s the point of coming home to an empty house? I rather be like them. They might be living in a smaller house but at least they have the love and attention of their parents. I wished that my dad could be in Singapore with me and that I am not left all alone.
The first time that I shoplifted together with my friends in the grocery store, I was shaking while trying to place the items in my bag. We ran to the park nearby afterward and compared who shoplifted the most items. It was a thrilling experience for me and the group of boys encouraged me to go for a second attempt. Just because I was lucky once, I naively thought I would always go away scot-free. Soon I became addicted to the thrill of shoplifting. Time after time, I was arrested and that was how I ended up in the boys’ home.
“When I was first put in the boys home, I did not feel remorseful for my actions. Rather, I felt that it was rightful for me to be led astray given that my dad was not by my side to educate me. Two days after I was admitted into the boys’ home, my dad flew over to visit me. I thought he was going to lash at me the moment he saw me, but he spoke nothing. Then, he cried and said that he has failed to be a good father. It was my first time seeing him cry and my heart broke. I realised I have truly disappointed him.”
Many nights, I find myself crying to sleep. I am really scared that my future is ruined. I am scared that I will lose my friends, that they will judge me because I went to the boys home. I do not know what I can do with my life. I want to change for the better but I do not know how.
Thankfully, I still have a supportive dad, who refuses to give up on me. Through the photography lessons I have learnt from the seniors, I found a passion for photography. I used to like rainy days because I feel that when I walk in the rain without anyone knowing that I am crying. Now, I still like the rain, but for a different reason. I feel that the rain cleanses away my sin, and the rainbow that comes after the rain will be my life when I am out of the boy’s home — colourful. I know that it is not going to be easy, but I am determined that I can start afresh.
