KD360 Episode 3: The Other Side, pt. 1
First Meditations:
“Inspiration is for amateurs — the rest of us just show up and get to work. And the belief that things will grow out of the activity itself and that you will — through work — bump into other possibilities and kick open other doors that you would never have dreamt of if you were just sitting around looking for a great ‘art [idea].’ And the belief that process, in a sense, is liberating and that you don’t have to reinvent the wheel every day. Today, you know what you’ll do, you could be doing what you were doing yesterday, and tomorrow you are gonna do what you [did] today, and at least for a certain period of time you can just work. If you hang in there, you will get somewhere.”
– Chuck Close
“Inspiration is for amateurs”. A statement like that is both off-putting and humbling. Society often preaches the virtues of seeking inspiration and I’m no different. I spent a ton of my time looking for ways to become inspired: reading, studying, watching. I’ve tried it all. Inspiration is a powerful force towards achievement and the most amazing thing is you can seek inspiration from all sorts of people, things, and moments. I know this first hand and have reaped the benefits of it. I’m deeply inspired, yet inspiration has not helped me accomplish much lately.
Things Fall Apart
This weekend, that of March 2nd & 3rd, 2019, was supposed to represent the first breakthrough of my current athletic endeavors. Here in Ohio, every first weekend of March, is the Arnold Classic & Sports Festival that’s been held annually since 1989 in the state capitol of Columbus. This event holds deep significance to me: My father was a bodybuilding enthusiast and would attend the Arnold’s every year, bringing back tons of pictures and products from his trips. I was a unashamed daddy’s boy growing up and would be so upset that my Dad would go without me to what seemed like a cool event and would asks to take me with him every year. His response was always he would when I was older, possibly as it would be less of a burden to keep an eye on me while he went to an event he loved and possibly used as an escape. I can definitely understand that now that I’m an adult, but unfortunately, we never experienced that father/son Arnold’s trip. My Dad passed away one week before the 2007 edition of the festival.
In 2015, I went to an event attached to the ASF for the first time and two years later, actually attended the full convention. It was a fun time, but I felt like my experienced lacked without my father’s presence after all the years I used to build up our eventual trip in my head as a child. I wanted to use the Arnold’s in a way to honor my father and knew exactly what to do. Grappling Industries, one of the top promoters of submission grappling and Jiu-Jitsu in the country, has partnered with the Arnold Sports Festival to host a major tournament as a part of the festival. I made the decision that I’d honor my Dad’s memory and the desire I once had to share a Arnold’s moment with him by competing in the 2019 edition of the tournament in the no-gi (which means we don’t wear the traditional martial arts uniform, but MMA style shorts and rash guard) division at either 185 or 210 lbs depending on which weight class I could naturally make near the tournament.
For many athletes who compete in Jiu-Jitsu and/or submission grappling, two events standout as the highest level the top athletes want to achieve the IBJJF Worlds (or Mundials) held annually and the Abu Dhabi Combat Club World Championships (or ADCC for short) held every two years. For me, I don’t participate in grappling with the aspirations as most of the athletes in it as I’m using the art and sports, with respect, as a springboard to a different platform. For me, for many years, the grappling tournament at the Arnold’s was my personal World Championship. I did everything I could to the be in position to prepare for this tournament, I studied nutrition to forge my body, found a sports performance facility to train like a serious athlete, and even received my gear that’d I’d be competing in for the tournament. I had this all figured out in my head that I was headed in the direction of realizing so much for me. Oh, how life laughs at your plans.
In January, I was hit with setback, after setback, after setback that crushed my mentality and derailed the momentum I was seeking to build going into the Arnold’s. To keep it blunt, I was mentally weak and my weakness so so prevalent, I never recovered. So while I should be headed back from Columbus after wrapping up a grappling seminar by one of the best athletes in the sport today, Craig Jones, that Grappling Industries also organized for the ASF, I’m here in Dayton, partially sulking in another missed opportunity. Yes, another missed opportunity. I had this same ambition for the 2018 edition of the Arnold’s, the reason that fell apart is because I surrendered to the fact that I wasn’t prepared. Understand, when I say that this event for me is my personal World Championships, I mean that. I know that I won’t compete against world class competition at this event and at my rank, but I would never step on those mats without giving my all in preparing for it. I would never dishonor my Dad that way, yet I still feel like I am in a way because another year has passed and another year I wasn’t out there has gone by.
Being honest, this possibly was my last chance (at least for years) to have the opportunity to compete with the Arnold’s before shifting the direction of my athletic career. Something I’ve desired so deeply with all the inspiration in the world has likely slipped through my fingers because of my own self-sabotage. I need to figure out why so this doesn’t happen with my future plans and new athletic journey.
(Trust) The Process
Going back to the Chuck Close’s quote that opens this episode, “And the belief that process, in a sense, is liberating and that you don’t have to reinvent the wheel every day”, I have failed at that time and time again, which is why I’ve failed in grander pursuits. Successful people tend to often not come across success by luck, even if they can’t explain it. Success is repetitive and greatness is often found in doing the mundane. I’ve been a amateur for a reason, I’ve lived as if inspiration would be enough to be successful. It should be noted that I know being inspired or having a purpose isn’t enough, but that doesn’t correlate to the actions I took in my everyday life. There were great days, when everything went according to plan, and then there were days like that series of days back in January where things simply fell apart and I had nothing to fall back on to recover the pieces. I surrendered to circumstances, I’ve learned, because I’ve led my life in positive terms by circumstances that were always in my favor. I did not know how to overcome and do what was necessary when life worked against me.
I’ve been a amateur for a reason, I’ve lived as if inspiration would be enough to be successful.
I thank the universe for developing me into a thinking man since I’m able to not just reflect but reflect with purpose. My failings come down to being product oriented and not process oriented, I never considered putting a system and routine in place to overcome the unexpected when it decides to show up. A sense of direction makes no difference if you don’t know the steps it takes to travel it. What has happened to me these last two opening weekends in March I cannot allow to happen again. I have to want to make things better for myself and that’s what I plan to do. This weekend started with me sulking on loss opportunity, it ends with the development of a structure to thrive no matter the adversity to comes my way. Life is a sport itself, after all. I’m in it to win.
Closing Meditations:
I follow Jonathan Marcus on Twitter, who is the director of High Performance West and a track & field coach. His blogs for the HPW’s website and his Twitter timeline are full of tremendous knowledge for not just athletes, but people who seek to maximize life, in my opinion. I’ve come across both a tweet and a blog post that relates to this episode that I found worth sharing:
The tweet:
And a excerpt from the blog, titled “Before You’re Ready”:
Thankfully, our demeanor, posture, and way of being is something which we can cultivate and evolve through study, practice, reflection, and action.
No one ever aces a Before You’re Ready event, as we all are horrible at anything on the first try. However, one can be prepared to do their best in that moment by being focused and fully immersed in the action and not the outcome.
But those who have a practice are at an advantage.
These wise souls know encountering any event is not about achieving a short term outcome to be judged.
Rather, their reward lies in the doing, even before they’re ready.
Part 2 of this episode will be released next week as I detail the process I’m establishing for my upcoming endeavors. Thank you for your time and hope to have you back next week.
