Do The Opposite of What You’ve Been Doing
Are you stuck in a rut? Is there something you want to change about yourself and no matter how hard you try you just can’t seem to change it?
If so, you’ve probably caught up in a mental “anti-pattern”, and the best way to break it is just to do the opposite of what you would normally do in that given situation.
The George Costanza Effect
If you’re a Seinfeld fan, you know that George Costanza was the epitome of the loser: he failed at everything he attempted, he had no self-confidence, and his friends constantly made fun of him. But in one episode he reasons that since following his usual instincts always leads to failure, all he has to do is the exact opposite of what his instincts say and he’ll be successful:
In the crazy world of sitcoms, this gives him immediate results. In the video, he gets a date with a blonde that is way out of his league by saying:
I’m not saying you should use a similar line when meeting someone, I’m sure it will end terribly. But I do think there’s a lesson to be learned from that episode:
The main reason why you’re stuck at certain aspects of your life is because you keep doing things the same way, consciously and subconsciously.
Think of it this way: a slightly better version of yourself is someone who acts exactly like you in every situation except for a few in which he or she is better. So if you want to become that better version, you need at least to change how you normally react in those situations.
The Mutation
OK, so it would be pretty reckless to be like George and do the exact opposite of everything you’ve been doing for your whole life. Things will probably get out of control pretty fast. But sometimes, small controlled experiments where you test doing the opposite in one tiny aspect can be pretty reasonable. And if it doesn’t work, you can always go back to your old self.
You know what mechanism works like that? Evolution. It relies on small mutations to generate new individuals. We usually see mutations as a bad thing, because in most cases they are a bad thing. But sometimes those mutations produce remarkable individuals. If you think about it, we humans are nothing more than a long series of accumulated mutations and recombinations that were successful.
Evolution operates by accumulating and preserving the “good” mutations, while discarding the “bad” ones. It’s true that the “bad” mutations are much more common that the “good” ones, but if you find a way to only preserve those “good” ones, like evolution does, that fact won’t matter at all. Statistically, after enough experiments, you’ll come up with something valuable.
Evolution also works by making changes in a small scale; for an entire species any single individual is small scale (no matter how much the mutation sucks for that individual). The good news is that in your case “small scale” can be a much simpler and shorter experiment.
Some Tips
So what can you do to start with these short experiments? Here are a few tips:
Don’t Take Yourself Too Seriously
Seriously, don’t. The easiest way of changing the world is not worrying too much and just trying things out. It’s really an interesting paradox: those who worry too much about the impact of their actions end up overthinking and doing nothing, while those who just try things out soon discover ways to make a difference. Think of it this way:
You’ll be more original by just being yourself than by worrying about doing something different from everyone else.
I’m not saying you should do something stupid like picking fights or jumping from the 10th floor, but small, controlled risks are perfectly fine every once in a while. Not only will you enjoy yourself more, you’ll probably discover awesome things that only few other people have ever discovered. The world is full of people doing things “the right way”, do them your way for a change.
Analyze Your First Reactions
Did you know that the best way to determine the foot you should start with during a race is getting pushed in the back? You’ll instinctively react to stop the fall with one of your feet, and that is the best one to start with. Why am I telling you this? Just to illustrate the following:
Your first reaction defines you.
In other words, we’re nothing more than a long list of reactions to different events that could potentially happen to us; it’s how we react those events what characterizes us.
So you should constantly question your subconscious reactions and consciously change some of them. The next time you do something by reflex, stop, analyze it and see if you could do it differently. Usually, it’s just fear dictating those reactions, and you shouldn't always listen to fear.
Surround Yourself With The Right People
Share your ideas with the same people over and over again, and you’ll quickly find your thoughts stagnant. Surround yourself with adventurous and bold people, and you’ll find yourself talking more risks and trying new things out.
So surround yourself by people you admire, people who have achieved things you would like to achieve, or people who are completely different than you in aspects of your life you want to improve. Soon, you’ll start thinking like them, acting like them, and eventually getting the same results as them.
Repeat What Works, Discard What Doesn’t
It’s a lot easier to keep experimenting when you see the benefits of past experiments.
Evolution works not only because of the mutations, but because of the other mechanisms that preserve the “good” mutations and discard the “bad” ones.
Inevitably you’ll fail at some experiments. Rather than beat yourself over them, just move on and try other things. And sometimes, there will be amazing moments where, against your expectations, things turn out to be awesome.
There’s this guy called Jia Jiang who actually spent 100 days doing things just to get rejected by people (and therefore lose his fear of rejection). He would do crazy stuff like going to a fast food restaurant and asking for a burger refill. Later, he said that what surprised him the most were those amazing moments when, against all his expectations, he wasn’t rejected. See one of those moments here.
When those good moments happen to you, and they will, hold on to what you learn from them and replicate it as much as you can in the future. And then just keep repeating the process over and over again.
Need more motivation? Check this awesome rap about evolution:
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