The People We Carry Around
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Whether we realize it or not, we carry a lot of people around with us.
People we met along the way. People we loved. People we lost. People we knew. People we thought we knew.
People who helped us. People who nurtured us. People who made us laugh. People who made us cry. People who enlightened us. People who enraged us. People who hurt us. People who changed us for better or worse.
These people helped us understand the world and what it means to be human, but most importantly, they helped us understand ourselves.
We mimicked their little quirks. We took their words to heart. We probably even picked up a few of their bad habits and biases along the way. Maybe we saw ugly pieces of ourselves in the people we’re carrying around. Maybe some of the people we’re carrying around brought out the worst in us. There’s something valuable in that too.
Sometimes I think it’s difficult to understand just how much other people can affect us and how much we absorb when we let our guard down in the presence of other people. How much others can influence us when we open ourselves up.
And sometimes we don’t even realize we’re carrying these people around. We don’t realize how much these people influence us even though some of them are nothing more than a memory after all these years.
Sometimes it feels like we’re completely alone. But no man or woman is an island.
Once we understand that we’re carrying other people around, once we realize that the critical voice in our head might not be our own or that the words of encouragement we tell ourselves once belonged to someone else, it can be a very powerful thing. Because once we realize that we’re carrying these people around with us, we can start to untangle why we’re carrying them around.
Sometimes, we’re carrying people around because they affected us in such a deep way. Because we wanted to help them but we couldn’t. Because we want to remember them. Because we feel forever indebted to them and don’t know what else to do. Because the only thing we can do is keep carrying them around. And hoping that things will get better for them. Or hoping that they’re in a better place now.
Sometimes, we’re carrying people around because they somehow managed to creep under our skin. Because they were important to us. Because we saw ourselves in them. Because we feared becoming just like them and didn’t want to repeat their mistakes. Because they touched parts of us that we couldn’t touch ourselves.
Or maybe it’s because they damaged us and we’re still struggling to recover.
But no matter what, we’re connected to the people we carry around. Some small piece of them still lives inside of us. Their story. Their heartbreak. Their pain. Their joy. Their triumphs. Their desires. Their damaged pieces.
And because of this connection, we keep carrying these people around whether or not it’s healthy to do so. We keep carrying around their ideas and thoughts and beliefs and criticisms and expectations and insecurities and vulnerabilities and hang-ups. Their hopes and dreams and outlooks and opinions and wisdom.
Carrying people around can be a positive thing. It can inspire us to keep going. It can help keep us grounded and remember who we are during difficult times. It can lift us up when we’re struggling.
But carrying people around can also be detrimental. Carrying certain people around can pollute us and damage us because not everyone we’re carrying around is someone we should be carrying around.
In a perfect world, we would only carry certain people around with us. But, as we all know, this world is anything but perfect.
It might be idealistic to think that we can stop carrying around the people who hurt us or wronged us or damaged us. But if we understand who we’re carrying around, why we’re carrying them around, and what impact they had on us, it can be an infinitely valuable realization. Because if we understand these things, we can tell the difference between the people we’re carrying around and who we actually are. And although this distinction might be more gray than it is black and white, it’s the most valuable thing of all.
