The Scientists in the States

“The first one was in Tennessee, which is in the States. Everything starts in the States, it’s like we live eight years in the past. It’s always the guys in the big cities who get stuff first, like new computers, fancy fast food, clothes, shoes, movies, all that stuff. While all we do is just sit around and wait. It gets boring.

And there’s nothing out here either, it’s like the landscape is bored as well. Too bored to even make a mountain, or a nice big lake for swimming. It’s hot as hell here, so somewhere to swim would be great, you know? Maybe for my next project, I’ll build a swimming pool, with flippin’ big slides on all the sides. There’ll be a smaller pool as well, for babies. I guess I’ll have to pay someone to drain out all the wee and fish out all the baby turds every week or whatever. I don’t think Cyril will help out with that. He didn’t even want to help out with this project and it’s not half as hard as a swimming pool. Screw him anyway.

So, whatever, the first one started in America, but they’ve got lots now. Not just in America, but all over the world, you know? The first time I saw one, I wanted to work in one. But the ones in America, they only let scientists and what-what inside. They use special equipment and tools and things to take measurements and stuff. They write it all down in books and send their ‘findings’ to other scientists. Not I’m no scientist, you know, I didn’t even pass physics in high-school because it turned out our teacher was a gay and by the time we got a new one, I’d already stopped going. But I’ve always been interested in things, you know? Like life. What makes a person alive? What makes us dead? Okay, sure, lots of things make us dead, but you know what I mean. Like the spiritual side of stuff and everything.

And what happens after we die? You know? Do you know?

Anyway, the first one started in America and I decided that I wanted to start the first one here. Maybe it’s not the first one in the country, I don’t know and it’s too hard to find out, you know? What do you do, drive through towns asking people on the street if they’ve seen one? Or phone the local municipality? It doesn’t work like that. You have to be part of some kind of secret science society or something. Whatever. But it’s definitely the first one here, you know? And you know how I know? Because no one’s ever seen anything like it! I’ve had five people since I opened and everyone just, like, completely freaks when they see it.

When I first started, I only had the one guy and I was worried about the smell, you know? Even though there’s no one around for flipping miles. And since I added the five new ones, I’ve noticed the smell changing. It’s interesting. I’ve tried to write about it, like the scientists in the States do. I put the smallest of them, a girl, in a bin and sealed it up really tight. She’s been in there like, six weeks now. When I open the bin, I think the smell will be really bad, but you’ve got to put them all in different places, different situations. That’s what makes it a ‘body farm’ and not just like, a graveyard, you know? Anyway. What’s your story? What brings you around here? You know, it’s funny, when I saw you just now, coming through the gate like those guys did six weeks ago, you know what I thought to myself? I thought, ‘at last, some life in this place!’”