Afraid to Love
5 I know how much you trust the Lord, just as your mother Eunice and your grandmother Lois do; and I feel sure you are still trusting him as much as ever.
6 This being so, I want to remind you to stir into flame the strength and boldness that is in you, that entered into you when I laid my hands upon your head and blessed you. 7 For the Holy Spirit, God’s gift, does not want you to be afraid of people, but to be wise and strong, and to love them and enjoy being with them. [2 Timothy 1:5–7 ~ LB]
“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To live is to be vulnerable.” [C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves, (Orlando, FL: Harcourt, 1988), 103]
Love is a powerful force. It can break down impenetrable walls. It can soothe the deepest sorrow. It can bridge the greatest emotional and cultural chasm. It can be the foundation for lasting relationships.
But when we love, we open ourselves to possible pain that goes deeper than any physical blow can cause. When we allow others to get close to us — when we open our hearts and lives, inviting them in — we become vulnerable. We take down the walls around our heart and become a target should someone wish to take a shot at us. And that is why so many are afraid to truly love.
Paul, writing to his protégé Timothy, encourages him to take the risk. He reminds Timothy that it is God’s desire for all of us to become vulnerable so that we can love and enjoy other people. He even encourages him to “stir into flame the strength and boldness” that Timothy had received from the Lord.
Interesting how he seems to connect strength and boldness with obvious vulnerability. We need to realize that, while the vulnerability is an act of our will, the strength and boldness are a gift from God through His Holy Spirit. It reminds us of Paul, when speaking of God not removing his thorn in the flesh, stating that when he is weak, that is when he is strong (2 Corinthians 12:10). We lean into God to find our strength even when we are most vulnerable.
Most of us know what it is to be afraid to love someone. We have experience the hurt when we have allowed ourselves to become vulnerable and to love, only to have someone throw it in our face or stomp on our heart. We don’t want to experience that again. And yet, God continues to call us to love. Love our neighbors as ourselves. Love our enemies. Love as Jesus loves, to the point of letting Jesus love through us. Lowering our defenses and doing what may not come easily or naturally for us: love.
C.S. Lewis is correct. We can choose to bury our love and keep our hearts wrapped up tight. But when we do, our hearts will dry up and become hard and impenetrable not only for others, but also for the Lord. We can get to the point where we won’t even let His love in and that is not the place we want to be nor is it where He wants us to be.
Life is full of risks. Some are simply stupid and to be avoided, but loving is not one of these. If we will allow ourselves to love, God will pour His Spirit into us as the source of true love. Isn’t that a risk worth taking?