The West Wing revisited: A fine-lookin’ woman
Welcome back to Kheiro’s recaps of The West Wing, where stressed staffers make for satisfied viewers
It’s the Bartlet Administration’s first week of giving a shit, and tensions are running high! Last week, our heroes decided to actually try and get stuff done rather than pander to middle America. Their first salvo: appointing two pro-campaign finance reform folks to the Federal Election Committee. Everyone is handling the pressure differently. CJ is icing out Danny, Josh told a senator to shove a legislative agenda up his ass, and Toby is backseat speechwriting Sam.
This episode is way, way, way, waaaaaaaay on the sitcom side of The West Wing. Like, Josh tells Joey Lucas, the deaf pollster from a few eps back who is about to start a position with the administration, that the White House is serious business and not to expect candy or flowers, then a courier shows up with flowers. This was the most sitcom-y episode of television to discuss racist sentencing laws until Black-ish. We have romcom moments with the Josh/Joey Lucas story, screwball exchanges with Sam and Q from Star Trek’s verbal sparring, and classic Sorkin repetition with Charlie’s constant insistence that Joey is a “fine-lookin’ woman.”
Much like Seinfeld, this ep (S1E20, “Mandatory Minimums”), is a show about nothing. Things half-happen, but more is discussed than acted upon. These things include:
- English as a national language
- The war on drugs
- Not being such a dick to Mandy for her memo gaffe last week
- Never making any mistakes EVER
- Joey Lucas being a fine-lookin’ woman
All these things were discussed in “Mandatory Minimums,” but when I try to think about what actually happened in this episode of television, it eludes me. It’s like trying to hold a particular 35 mL of ocean water in your hands. There’s almost nothing to grab ahold of. I will try.
THE GANG GOES TO BRUNCH
It’s a nice spot. Donna makes fun of Josh’s nice (?) suit, which he allegedly picked out because Joey Lucas is coming to the White House to help with the English-as-a-national-language thing. Leo rattles off some names to Margaret, who accidentally commits them to memory.
DALTON, DAWSON, FOXWORTHY, GREER, MORGENTHAU, STACKHOUSE, AND SUGARBAKER
All of those names are congresspersons whose friends and family members eluded mandatory minimums for drug charges. Near the end of the episode, Leo rounds up the aides of all these people in the press room for a real come-to-Jesus discussion.
Leo: There’s a chance that a debate is about to begin over the best way to fight the drug problem in this country. The White House being among those who believe more money should be put into treatment. The people you work for being among those who believe we should put more money into prisons.
Dick: Leo, why the seven of us?
Leo: Dick, in July of ’96, your boss’s son was arrested for carrying 25 grams of cocaine. That’s a crime that usually carries… what Toby?
Toby: Eight to 15 years.
Leo: And what did the Congressman’s son get?
Toby: Six months house arrest.
Leo: Lynn, your boss’s husband was caught stealing Vicodin and Percocet from the hospital at which he served as Chief of Thoracic Surgery. Now, Vicodin and Percocet are schedule-two drugs in the same legal category as Opium. What was the blue-book value, Toby?
Toby: Each stolen pill carries the penalty of one year in prison and a monetary fine.
Leo: And what did we have for the Congresswoman’s husband?
Toby: He went to a pre-trial diversion program. There’s no longer any criminal record.
Leo: That’s not bad.
Stuart: Leo, I…
Leo: Stuart, yours is my favorite. Your boss has a daughter who was pulled over with 31 grams of coke and charged with intent to deliver. Moreover, she’s just been indicted by a federal grand jury in Greenville, South Carolina, along with 18 other people for conspiracy to distribute. Toby?
Toby: She paid a fine of $2,800 and forfeited her car in which the drugs were found.
Leo: The President wants a lively debate. He wants to hear opposition, but he’s not gonna stomach hypocrisy. We start hearing “soft on criminals”, “soft on drugs” from any of the people you work for, we’ve got seven stories ready for page one.
It’s a beautiful flexing nuts moment. Toby’s ex-wife, who argues strenuously and correctly that mandatory minimum sentencing is a racist practice, loves watching it happen.
TOBY HAS AN EX-WIFE??
Yup. She’s pretty. I can’t imagine anything worse than being married to Toby. Except being married to Sam. I’d rather drink bleach than listen to his sermonizing while he eats my sandwich.
YOU DIDN’T GET ANYTHING FOR KENNY, THAT’S FUCKING RUDE
Josh is still working out his feelings re: Joey Lucas. She is a fine-lookin’ woman, but one who spurned him for Q from Star Trek: The Next Generation. It’s complicated. But Charlie knows she’s a fine-lookin’ woman, so he gives Josh advice on how to court her. Charlie thinks he should give her a little gift. “’Here this is for you, cause it’s your first day. You don’t know anybody,’” he says. “Bam! You give it to her. You say something nice.” Josh eventually takes Charlie’s advice and gives Joey a White House mug, presumably lifted from the gift shop. But it’s also the first day for Kenny, Joey’s interpreter. Why not get him a present as well? I understand not wanting to give Kenny the wrong signals, but I think he’d be able to parse this complicated flirting-by-proxy scheme they’ve got going if he had his own mug.
LEAVE CJ ALONE!!
CJ mildly misspeaks at the press briefing about the FEC nominees. She says Bartlet appointed a democrat and a republican “which he was, certainly, under no legal obligation to do.” But he was under legal obligation to do that. Whoops. Leo chews her out for it, honestly I think because CJ needed to be especially vulnerable when Danny yells at her shortly after. Danny has been getting iced out for running the story about Mandy’s memo. He doesn’t appreciate that and calls CJ “bush league” because he’s in his feelings. Well CJ just got yelled at by Leo, so she is also in her feelings. And her feelings are valid (I don’t like how all these men are calling me unprofessional) whereas Danny’s (my crush is mad at me/ my feelings are bad because our jobs make our coupling ethically fucked) are not. She yells at him, basically tells him to cram it with walnuts, ugly. It’s glorious. We all know it won’t last, but for now CJ and Danny are keeping an appropriate distance.
God, why won’t it last?
What’s Next: Our ambassadors are embarrassing America abroad. Good thing that only happens in fiction!
For more of Kheiro’s West Wing recaps visit: kheiromag.com/westwing, and be sure to sign up to receive Kheiro straight to your inbox.
