The West Wing Revisited: At least they mean well
Welcome back to Kheiro Magazine’s West Wing recap, where everything that can go wrong will go wrong
I think it was Chekhov who said, “If a tropical storm is upgraded to a hurricane in the first act, that hurricane has to menace a battle carrier group in the third act.” It’s just good dramaturgy.
The first half of this episode (S1E7, “The State Dinner”) is a veritable Chekhov’s Gun Show. Sorkin sets up a bunch of problems that could or could not go tits-up during a state dinner that’s to be held in the president of Indonesia’s honor. There’s a hurricane heading for the Georgia coastline, a Teamster strike is looming, and a Waco-esque situation happening in Idaho. But you know what the press pool is most interested in? Fashion.
CJ makes a dig about InStyle being given press credentials, meanwhile in 2017 Teen Vogue is our №1 political news source (that just stopped printing). Things sure are different now, huh? For example, in 2017 Toby’s whole pro-two-tiered hiring argument looks ludicrous. The Teamsters are striking because trucking management wants to deny full wages and benefits to part-time hires. This despite the fact that many allegedly part-time workers actually work 40 hours per week. Their time is broken down into different jobs, which lets management screw workers out of their benefits. Toby says it’s the young people’s fault. They wanted job flexibility and refused to commit to one company.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA WHAT I WOULDN’T GIVE TO BE A SALARYMAN, TOBY.
Josh is also pro-management, but mostly because Mandy Onlyinthefirstseason is pro-union. And Josh is anti-ex-girlfriend. Mandy also wants to take point on the McClane, Idaho issue. Which Josh opposes. Leo puts her on it anyway. Mandy finds out that the McClane siege began because an undercover ATF agent sold an illegal gun to the survivalists — a gun that’s illegal due to the size of its barrel, i.e. a gun that was outlawed by HB 802 from a few eps back. Josh waves off Mandy’s cries of entrapment because she’s his ex and Josh is lame like that. Mandy recommends they send in an FBI negotiator, which Bartlet approves. Josh disapproves.
Toby and Sam are working on the toast for the state dinner. Toby wants to excoriate Indonesia for being run by dictators and thugs, whereas Sam recognizes that it’s messed up to chew out your dinner guests. This feels very relevant, seeing as Thanksgiving is coming up and we’re all about to be yelled at for not living up to our promise.
Meanwhile, Bartlet is having trouble with the Indonesian president. He refuses to make small talk, which irks Jed to no end. Luckily Leo whisks him away from the awkward two-president photo op to tell him about hurricane prep being done in Georgia. A battle carrier group is being moved out to sea, a standard precaution when a hurricane is about to make landfall. Or so we’re told. Having grown up in tornado country, I have no idea how to get ready for a hurricane. And even less idea how to command the Navy in advance of a hurricane.
At the same awkward photo op, Danny asks CJ about vermeil. Apparently people are protesting it outside the White House. Without missing a beat, CJ tells the press pool that she’ll be covering vermeil at the afternoon briefing. Does she know what vermeil is? No, but dammit she’s gonna cover it. Turns out, vermeil is a kind of silver that represents oppression. There are “[s]ix people in Lafayette Park with oak tag and magic markers,” which Danny blew out of proportion. Because that’s what good journalists do: they rabble-rouse. They punch up. CJ is mad that Danny made her learn about silver. Danny then demands to know what kind of dress she’s wearing to the state dinner. It’s allegedly flirting.
And in yet another subplot, Laurie the sex worker is back. In a truly insane scene, Sam steals her lunch, tells her not to study for her law school classes and to quit her job. He asks if he should stop talking so she can concentrate, she says yes, then he keeps talking. And his main topic of discussion: all the bad choices she’s ever made. The worst choice Laurie ever made was letting Sam weasel his way into her life. He just violates her boundaries and eats her food. It’s wack.
One more subplot! Josh and Toby need to speak with a fellow named Ramahedi Sumahedjo Bambang. Donna is put in charge of finding out whether he speaks English, and if he doesn’t she needs to find an interpreter. I’m sure Donna will do fine at this like she’s done with every other task she’s been given thus far.
(Seriously, why is Donna? What is the point of her? Every plot line she’s had has been about her fucking up. In this episode, she spreads some fake news about Indonesian witch hunting squads then gives bad intel about Bambang not speaking English. He does.)
All of these plots collide at the state dinner. And I do mean all of them. CJ wears the dress of which she and Danny spoke, the FBI negotiator gets shot in Idaho, Laurie shows up as a guest at the dinner and Sam makes it about him somehow, and Bambang reads Toby to filth for writing a truly condescending speech.
Bambang: I think you have a lot of nerve. That was a despicable and humiliating toast your president made, and I know you were the one who wrote it.
Toby: Please understand, that with so many people watching, with so much media coverage, it was important for us to make clear that the United States, with its commitment to human rights, has an obligation —
Bambang: Mr. Ziegler! Does it strike you at all hypocritical that a people who systematically wiped out a century’s worth of Native Americans should lecture the world so earnestly on human rights?
Toby: Yes it does.
Bambang: You humiliated my president tonight, and for no other reason than to show off. And now you want me to do you a favour? Go to hell.
Happy Thanksgiving!
But on the upside, First Lady Abbey Bartlet (Stockard Channing) is finally in the building. She commands the party like a boss: trying to hook CJ up with some lawyer dude, befriending Laurie, and chastising her husband for his superhero complex. Her dress is phenomenal and we don’t deserve her.
The hurricane switches directions at the last minute, going back out to sea rather than hitting Georgia. Good news for Georgia; bad news for that battle carrier group. There is basically nothing that can be done for them, but Bartlet insists on speaking to the fleet commander. They can’t get ahold of the fleet commander so he winds up speaking with the radio operator on one of the cargo ships. He’s like 12, and hit his head in the storm and is maybe going to die. But Jed is going to stay on the radio with him until he does die. Or I guess until the hurricane passes and everything’s fine but honestly with these well-meaning idiots what are the odds of that happening?
What’s Next: There’s infighting in the Democratic Party, something we’re totally unfamiliar with!
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