Christopher Columbus and the SynthAxe

I never really believed the stories. You know, when Columbus and his ships finally landed on the shores of an early America, how the Native Americans there couldn’t really see the ships. They were so massive, so wildly foreign and wholly new, that the native people just couldn’t compute. How it took awhile before they were like, “Oh. Oh yeah, shit. It’s like a GIANT canoe with rats and metal tubes and, hold on, is that a blanket used to catch and utilize the motherfucking wind?” But then they got it. And now I get it. Watching the video below was like that for me. At first I just heard the strange utterances of a young man’s foreign tongue then, after time, the vague outline of the neck of a guitar-like structure formed and I was like, “So that’s the ‘Nina’ everyone’s been talking about…” Not long after, the shape of the SynthAxe body was, in all it’s retro-future glory, revealed to me and boom, there was the Pinta. I finally saw it. And it took until about the nine minute mark in the video but eventually I saw the strange, pale man who had been droning quietly, incessantly, in that otherworldly voice. His shape, particularly his XXL pastel shirt became clear and I thought, “There. There it is. The mighty Santa Maria.” I stared for quite some time into that muted fuchsia shirt and was like, “Alright hold on, is that a blanket used to catch and utilize the motherfucking wind?!” Just like the early Native Americans on those distant, New England shores. And just like them I assumed I could just go on with my regular life afterwards. But no, after that moment literally every fucking thing in the world changed. And now you don’t have to go to school on SynthAxe Day.