Soft Kill is playing Blonde Bar. You should go.

These days androgyny and music are synonymous. If Soft Kill was a person they would be a dude that looks like a chick that has a dick the size of Thor’s hammer. If Soft Kill was a person they would have gotten their ass kicked everyday in high school only to blossom into an ugly super model that you’d never think about fucking in a thousand years. Until you saw them grasping a Gucci clutch on the cover of W magazine. Then, for some reason, all you would be able to do is think about fucking their oddly disproportionate pale frame. If Soft Kill was a person you wouldn’t ever take them to a party cause they would do all your blow and talk about why Harmony Korine is “So ahead of his time that no one will ever understand why Trash Humpers is the cinematic equivalent to War and Peace.” If Soft Kill was a person you wouldn’t “get” them. But Soft Kill isn’t a person. Soft Kill is a band. A band that totally rips. A band that makes all the other goth bullshit that you care about sound like the theme song from Happy Days. Soft Kill is playing at Blonde Bar on March 23rd and you should probably go because we all know that you’ve been wearing out the needle on your record player to the same fucking New Order B-side, and frankly, you need a new band to talk about, because you’re getting boring. See you at Blonde.