Love the Herstory Instagram? The Creator’s Next Move Is a Text-Only Dating App
Kelly Rakowski gained a following by sharing feminist and queer photography, but she thinks the written word is the key to romance.
“Lesbians break a lot of the rules,” says Kelly Rakowski, chatting about dating norms in Kickstarter’s Brooklyn offices.
For her personally, that includes challenging the convention that dating apps need to include images. Despite the fact that Rakowski is a photo editor for a design magazine and rose to internet fame posting iconic archival images on her popular Instagram account @h_e_r_s_t_o_r_y, she’s out to build a queer dating platform that’s based entirely on text.
Disappointed with dating apps and inspired by the creative personal ads she found in an archive of the lesbian erotica zine On Our Backs, Rakowski put out an open call to followers of her Instagram account to submit their own queer romance-seeking write-ups. Soon after, she started the @_personals_ account to house them all.
Overwhelmed with hundreds of submissions, she decided to look into a self-serve solution for her romance-seeking fans. She’s launched a Kickstarter campaign to create an app where users can submit and discover personal ads directly.
Rakowski says she used to be “heavy on the apps, heavy on the T,” but started feeling queasy about the way Tinder encourages you to “throw away people…you just swipe them away and they’re gone.” She turned instead to what she calls “slow dating,” the practice of “taking the time to get to know people before getting together.” Through the Personals community, she’s seen firsthand how the written word can be a much more intimate introduction than swiping through selfies.
“Writing, you have to be really direct about who you are and what you’re into, what you’re looking for. And I think a lot of people were frustrated that they weren’t getting this basic information just by looking at a selfie of someone. So with Personals, and writing a personal, you can get a bigger picture with just a few sentences.”
“Specifically with queer people, there’s almost a language within a language to talk about yourself,” Rakowski says. One recent personal starts, “switchy tomboy femme neuroscientist seeks self-assured masc-leaning cuties.” Another starts, “spoonie outdoorsy glittery faggy butch enby, rural queer organizer, writer & artist (pls send nudes for me to draw), ISO fellow tender MOC folk.”
“People really rejoice in that and have fun with it,” says Rakowski. “There’s an ease to it, and also it’s not a lot to write. It’s like writing a text to your friend, or writing a tweet. So I think it is approachable. People seem to really take to it and write the funniest, smartest things.”
Running Personals in its current form on Instagram means Rakowski sorts through and publishes hundreds of personal ads — you could call her a human dating app. Considering the special insight that comes with this work, we asked her to answer a few questions on romance, creativity, and finding what you’re looking for.
— Katheryn Thayer, Senior Editor, Design & Tech
You’ve used the term “slow dating” to talk about your personal philosophy. Can you talk more about what that is?
Kelly Rakowski: This is a term I coined. It’s just about meeting people face-to-face, talking to them, saying “hello,” or writing a message and starting a conversation through email and maybe getting to know that person for a while before even meeting up.
And with Personals there’s an element of being slow and getting to know yourself before jumping into dating too, right?
That’s really true. A lot of people have said that they’re reading these just to get to know themselves better. It’s really helpful to see how other people are talking about what they want, who they are.
I think if people take time to get to know themselves and what they want before going out there and meeting someone, that could help bring a deeper connection.
“If people take time to get to know themselves and what they want before going out there and meeting someone, that could help bring a deeper connection.”
What’s some of the best dating advice you’ve received?
If you’re just coming out, a really good piece of advice is just date a lot of people, a lot of different kinds of people — keep it light. You don’t have to get into a heavy relationship right away. Just meet people and talk to them — maybe you’re figuring out who you’re attracted to. Meeting a lot of people will help with that. Then, when you find the right person, you know right away because you’ve had all these experiences.
You’re getting all of these submissions to the Personals account — 500 at a time. What makes a listing stand out to you?
People who are really specific, people who are very friendly and outgoing and know themselves well. Honestly, most of the people write really funny, surprising things, so I don’t really edit or cut that many.
Everyone has a different style, but across the board, they read very similarly. One of the reasons might be that I really encourage people to read the old On Our Backs personals. I have a hashtag on Instagram where they’re all there, and I’m like, “Before you write an ad, read what these people are writing from the ‘80s because it’s so funny.” And I think that comes across and there’s a cohesion to everything.
It feels like a very creative medium.
Yeah, it definitely is. A lot people who write in are creatives. That tends to be my audience on Herstory, but there’s all types.
Do you think that the representation of creative people is significant? Is there something about the format that draws that community in?
Maybe because it is so shapeless. You’re really making the content; it’s like a blank sheet of paper, but people know how to respond to that. And personals have been around for so long... it’s a medium that people are familiar with, which is nice. There’s a historic reference, so it’s not super intimidating, but it’s also a place for people to be creative and play around. And you can write more than one personal, to show different sides of yourself.
What’s your advice for someone who might be struggling to express themselves creatively in writing?
Here’s one great tip. Before this was even a thing, I jokingly let my friend write one for me. If you have your friend write something about you, they think of you in the most loving, beautiful way. Maybe they’re less hard on you than you would be on yourself. Friends love to try to hook you up, so I would suggest asking a friend to write one. And then you can edit it, but it’s a cool way to start the conversation.
This interview was edited and condensed for clarity.
