5 Things We Can All Learn From Queer Sex

Kiki App
Kiki For The Future™
3 min readApr 19


5 things we can all learn from queer sex on a light pink background next to an illustration of two femmes, one Black and one white, embracing

What Even Is Queer Sex?

The phrase “queer sex” can refer to a wide range of sex acts that deviate from conventional cisgender and heterosexual expectations. Or, more broadly, queer sex is any sex that queer people are having. Queer sex can be seen as an act that subverts social norms and interrogates our ideas of intimacy, sexual pleasure, and relationships. Also, it’s just really fun 😉.

5 Things to Learn From Queer Sex:

From seasoned queers, to newbie gays, and even (gasp) our straight friends, there’s a lot to learn from the legacy of queer sex.

  1. Communication is key

Because queer sex often involves different identities and sexual scripts than cis het sex, it can at first be daunting to navigate boundaries, preferences, and consent. As a result, communication becomes a critical part of the sexual experience, with partners frequently discussing their desires, boundaries, and expectations in advance of any sexual activity. How hot is it to hear, “What would you like me to do to you?”

Queer sex can teach us the importance of honest and open communication in all aspects of our lives, not just in the bedroom. By being transparent about our needs, desires, and boundaries, we can create stronger and more fulfilling relationships with the people around us. We should all be talking about our needs and desires. (Calling you out, cis ladies dating cis men!)

2. Embrace Diversity

Queer sex is all about embracing diversity and celebrating differences. From body diversity to embracing a wide range of kinks and fetishes, queer folks have a long history of saying “fuck it” to what is deemed “normal” or “acceptable.” This also means you get to decide what sex means to you. Instead of centering cis-heteronormative ideas that it’s only “real” sex when someone’s penetrated by a penis, try thinking outside the box and creating your own definition.

3. Consent Is Mandatory

Consent is a critical component of all sexual experiences, but it plays a different role in queer sex. Again, due to the way we shake up sexual scripts, queer sex requires an inherently thoughtful approach to consent. It is essential for partners to communicate clearly and explicitly about what they are comfortable with and what they are not. Learning to prioritize consent and respect for boundaries can help create a safer and more pleasurable sexual experience for everyone involved.

4. Center Pleasure

Queer sex is often focused on pleasure and intimacy, rather than procreation or traditional gender roles. Not too much lying back and thinking of England around here. As a result, queer sex can offer a more pleasurable and fulfilling sexual experience for all partners involved. Learning to prioritize pleasure and intimacy in sexual relationships can help us all experience more joy and satisfaction in our lives.

5. Love Yourself

Finally, queer sex teaches us the importance of acceptance and inclusivity. By embracing a wider range of sexual identities and behaviors, queer sex challenges the traditional heteronormative culture that often excludes or marginalizes LGBTQIA+ individuals. Learning to embrace diversity and inclusivity can help us create a more compassionate and accepting world for all people, regardless of their sexual orientation or gender identity

To Conclude

Whenever, wherever, and however you have, pay attention to your body and the entire sensual experience. You and your partner(s) desires should be at the forefront — societal viewpoints of sex be damned. Go out there and have some queer sex!


Download our app on our website!

Sign up for our biweekly newsletter to get our free Queer Pleasure Workbook!

If you enjoy our content and want to access in-depth interviews with experts, personal essays about sex and queerness, and want to support our mission to bridge the sex ed gap for queer folks, join us on Patreon.

We also have merch! Find cheeky queer, sex-positive t-shirts, totes, mugs, and stickers here.



Kiki App
Kiki For The Future™

We are building a platform to address the gap in sexual health for queer folks. Follow us on Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter @kikitheapp.