A Very Bad Email
I heard a sound. It wasn’t a cry. It sounded much worse than a cry. It was such a brief, soft, yet terrifying sound that I’ll probably never get it out of my head for the rest of my life. I turned around not knowing what to expect. I thought maybe Eric had gotten hurt or was in pain from his tonsillectomy. But instead Eric motioned me over to look at his phone and I soon discovered the reason for the sound. Eric had just received a pdf copy of his pathology results over email. He found out over email that he had cancer.
At first I was just straight up confused. Was I misinterpreting the words on the page? Did lymphoma mean cancer (spoiler alert: it does!) How could he get cancer? He’s young, super fit, we have a new baby, and I also just started Winnie. He just went in to get his inflamed tonsils removed, which we thought would be the end of his 2+ months of misery. Turns out the tonsil removal was just the beginning. The routine pathology they ran on the tonsils to find the source of his infection turned up cancer. Diffuse large B-cell non-Hodgkin’s Lymphoma.
It’s a week later and after 2 ER visits due to various complications from his tonsillectomy and lumbar puncture, a 3 day hospital stay, and lots of tests and doctors, I am not in shock anymore. This is our new reality and we have no choice but to fight this thing with all we’ve got. Eric has already showed that he has what it takes to beat this thing. I watched as he bled out over a liter of blood out of his mouth in the emergency room before his second surgery and nearly died. He stayed calm and made it through. There is no one I know who will be able to handle this better than my husband. He is so strong.
Here’s all the good news. This cancer is curable. Eric will live a long life. It’s going to be a long, tough road but we are going to do this. I am so grateful for everyone who has stepped up so far. My mom took a leave from her job in Philly to be out here with us and take care of my daughter. She is my hero and I could fill a million books writing about all the sacrifices she has made for us. Our few friends and family and coworkers who we told so far have offered tremendous support and love. I’m also so grateful that my daughter is safe and healthy and probably will never remember any of this. And all this stress has put me at my lowest weight in a long time so that’s pretty great too.
The help we need right now is the following: 1) Does anyone know a pathologist I could speak to directly? I want to be sure the right tests are being run and the right diagnosis is being made, so I could really benefit from talking this case through with a pathologist. There is currently some uncertainty in the pathology we have. 2) Does anyone have a connection at Stanford Oncology? They won’t take an appointment with us because they are too backed up. We are currently being seen by doctors at CPMC and UCSF but Eric’s case is pretty unusual (according to both his doctors) and we think an opinion from Stanford, which is world class for this stuff, could be helpful.
I’m sure we will need other help going forward. Eric’s cancer is very aggressive and he’s likely going to need in-patient chemo (aka, he will have to stay in the hospital). As for right now, the best thing you can do for us is let Eric rest. He’s extremely weak from his surgery (and follow up emergency surgery) and needs to recover before chemo. While he recovers, I need to take care of him. Please let us focus on that right now. If you absolutely need an update, please bother me and not him. You can reach me through Twitter, Facebook, email, or text.
Fuck you cancer. You have no fucking clue who you are messing with.
Update: we got the help we needed. Thank you everyone who offered help but we have more than enough right now. I will write if we need more help in the future!
