A Very Unlikely Email
I never thought the future of my family would hang on an email I almost didn’t read
It’s been over a year since Eric had cancer. This blog, which I started as a way to vent and keep people updated on Eric’s progress, has been shared as something of a resource for people going through a similar journey. I didn’t intend it that way originally but I’m glad it’s been helpful to people who find themselves in this very bad situation.
Unfortunately though, there’s one part of the early story I left out. It felt too personal to share and not super relevant, but now I know by omitting it I’m doing a huge disservice to anyone who is reading this as a resource. Now that Eric is cancer-free, the detail I left out is the single most relevant part of the whole story. It’s the part that will impact us for the rest of our lives.
The part that will impact us for the rest of our lives
The days and weeks following Eric’s cancer diagnosis were a whirlwind of figuring out how to save his life. I dropped everything else and spent countless hours coordinating across oncologists, pathologists, radiologists, and multiple incompatible medical systems. I stopped working. I stopped taking care of my daughter. I stopped eating.
The last thing on my mind during that time was having another baby. Not only was I preoccupied with my husband’s survival, but Bryn was just an infant at the time. Ever having another child was not even registering in my consciousness.
It’s by sheer luck that an email landed in my inbox during those early days of cancer that I happened to read. We got so many messages of support during that time period that I didn’t have time to read through them all. This one though came from a woman I barely knew. Her husband, a former acquaintance from high school, was also battling cancer. She told me to inquire about fertility preservation before Eric started chemotherapy. She even gave me the number of a fertility clinic I could call near our house.
Right before Eric started treatment, I asked his oncologists about freezing his sperm. They both admitted to me they didn’t know much about how his imminent chemo regimen would affect his fertility but that they thought fertility would be unaffected. Their priority was saving his life, not planning for the life he’d have after cancer.
The doctors’ noncommittal answers about fertility was a chance I wasn’t willing to take. I ignored their recommendations and called the clinic. They got us in the next day, which happened to be only a couple of days before Eric started his cancer treatment. We paid out of pocket and froze 10 vials of sperm.
Fast forward to now. Eric is cancer-free and we have resumed our lives. With my daughter in preschool and things as normal as they’ll ever be (which is still pretty crazy), we have started thinking about expanding our family. Unfortunately, after some testing (called semen analysis), we uncovered a condition known as azoospermia. This is common among men who have had chemo, especially the regimen and very high doses that Eric received. Everything works normally, but no matter how hard we try the “natural way” we will not be able to conceive a child the way we conceived Bryn.
The good news is we still have a shot at future biological children thanks to those 10 vials of sperm and a process called IVF. I feel incredibly lucky that these things exist, though I recognize that there are other incredible ways to expand our family too.
Fertility preservation is not always possible, especially when it’s a woman receiving a cancer diagnosis as the process of freezing eggs is more involved and time consuming than that of freezing sperm. When it is possible, it’s something that you should strongly consider. Your oncologist may not tell you to bother with it, but it gives you an option you may not otherwise have when you come out the other side. It’s an option we would not have had if not for a very unlikely email.
PS — I’m always happy to chat with anyone about all things fertility preservation and infertility as I am now something of an expert in these matters. We’ve also created an awesome resource at Winnie and I encourage you to check it out and post any questions you have.
