Cells: an updated version of Kipling’s Barrack Room Ballad
I’ve a head like a concertina: I’ve a tongue like a button-stick:
I’ve a mouth like an old potato, and I’m more than a little sick,
But I’ve had my fun of the Corporal’s Guard: I’ve made the cinders fly,
And I’m here in the Clink for a thundering drink
and blacking the Corporal’s eye.With a second-hand overcoat under my head,
And a beautiful view of the yard,
O it’s pack-drill for me and a fortnight’s C.B.
For “drunk and resisting the Guard!”
Mad drunk and resisting the Guard–
‘Strewth, but I socked it them hard!
So it’s pack-drill for me and a fortnight’s C.B.
For “drunk and resisting the Guard.”
I started on canteen porter, I finished on canteen beer,
But a dose of gin that a mate slipped in, it was that that brought me here.
’Twas that and an extra double Guard that rubbed my nose in the dirt;
But I fell away with the Corporal’s stock
and the best of the Corporal’s shirt.
I left my cap in a public-house, my boots in the public road,
And Lord knows where, and I don’t care, my belt and my tunic goed;
They’ll stop my pay, they’ll cut away the stripes I used to wear,
But I left my mark on the Corporal’s face, and I think he’ll keep it there!
My wife she cries on the barrack-gate, my kid in the barrack-yard,
It ain’t that I mind the Orderly room — it’s that that cuts so hard.
I’ll take my oath before them both that I will sure abstain,
But as soon as I’m in with a mate and gin, I know I’ll do it again!With a second-hand overcoat under my head,
And a beautiful view of the yard,
Yes, it’s pack-drill for me and a fortnight’s C.B.
For “drunk and resisting the Guard!”
Mad drunk and resisting the Guard–
‘Strewth, but I socked it them hard!
So it’s pack-drill for me and a fortnight’s C.B.
For “drunk and resisting the Guard.”
Cells, Rudyard Kipling, 1890 (updated by Jonathan Richardson 2022)
Meaning of Cells
The soldier in this poem had a good time in the mess canteen then the pub and ended up in cells for his trouble.
The narrator is presumably a non-commissioned officer — corporal or sergeants, as he refers to his stripes being cut away, and so losing his rank. He swears to his wife and son he won’t get drunk again… but knows he will next time his mate suggests it.
The Orderly Room here is not a hospital orderly’s but the room in a barracks used for regimental business. CB is Confined to Barracks”, which is now known as“ROP” or “Restrictions of Privileges” in both Services.
According to the Kipling Society normally a drunken soldier would be fined, but for assaulting the guard the narrator gets the worst punishment of being confined to barracks . But it could be worse, this poem was written not long after flogging was abolished.
Based on his description of a head like a concertina, tongue like a button-stick, a mouth like an old potato, and a feeling of nausea I’d warrant that Kipling’s experienced one too many drinks in his time too.
Change notes
Cells required fewer changes than most of the Barrack Room Ballads. Once again Kipling wrote it from a regular soldier’s point of view.
However very few letters were dropped, not even Kipling’s customary dropped h in this one. Only a few letters are dropped and was pretty straightforward to read in its original form.
I left in ‘goed’ for poetic licence, but if you are a non-native English speaker it is a past participle of ‘go’, though 99% of the time we’d use ‘went’.
How you can contribute
Find out why I’ve updated Rudyard Kipling’s Barrack Room Ballads — and the challenges that has involved. Feel free to:
- comment on your thoughts on my update
- comment your thoughts on the poem or my commentary
- contact me if you want to post about a modern take on Kipling
If you wish to support charities I recommend:
- Show Racism the Red Card — a British anti-racism educational charity
- The Invictus Games Foundation — a charity that uses sport and challenge to inspire, improve and influence the recovery and rehabilitation of wounded, injured and sick servicemen and women
- The Media Trust — helps mentor and develop people in the media from all backgrounds
- The Royal British Legion — UK charity that supports serving and ex-serving personnel
Finally if you do use my revised version of the texts please do cite me.
