My Father Told Me I Would Fail
This is how I proved him wrong.
When I was younger, I had no self-esteem. (You’ll see why in a moment.) I had to build it. Now, I’m happy to say, due to the patience of my family, my husband and my children, I feel much better about myself.
This is a reply I gave on Quora. The question prompted me to think about my past and how far I have come. And if you’re struggling with issues because of the cruel things people have said to you, I say, shoot, I managed to do it, and if I can, you can too.
This is exactly why I write about experiences like this. If you are struggling under other people’s cruelty, it is possible to overcome it, like this guy here:
See?
Enjoy, and if you have any victory stories, I would love to hear about them in the reply. It’s a time to celebrate what we have overcome.
Quora question from the Childhood Trauma & Abuse forum:
What’s the most hurtful thing your mother or father has ever said to you?
My reply: (Slightly edited from the original as it appeared on Quora for clarity and accuracy. I found some typos. Eeeeeek!)
I was sitting at an Italian restaurant off the Saw Mill River Parkway in Yonkers, New York, around 22 years ago.
My son had been born, and I was home having a grand old time taking care of him. You see, I had been laid off of my job. They eliminated my position to make sure they didn’t get sued for discrimination for firing a pregnant woman, a slick way to avoid the lawsuit. I wrote down everything that was required to do my position when I had gotten pregnant. I got compliments galore on providing that documentation for the person who would fill my position, but then, they used the document to refashion my position from a logistics position to an administrative assistance position, and then laid me off. That company was Henry Schein, by the way, in Long Island, NY, the largest dental supplier in the country.
So, I was at home, taking care of my son. My husband was working for my father’s company.
At dinner, my father asked me what I wanted to do from here.
I stated that I wanted to be a writer, an author.
My father said, “No, don’t do that. You should not do that. You will fail.”
The words sunk in. He’s lucky I didn’t cry. My own father didn’t support me and believe in me.
At that point, it didn’t matter what his motivation was. That is how I perceived it, and that is what stuck in my head. This is the one thing I remember when I think of my father.
Then, I remember other things as well, but he was a mean, abusive little man. He yelled at me for what seemed like every single day of my life, for example.
Yet, he did provide a nice home, clothing, and food.
Sure, he was better than some, but it could have been a lot better, such as having his support not only for a dream, but for what I was really meant to be. Also, there was a lot of neglect. There were matters they should have been more aware of to help me during that time, and instead of being so passive, they should have been more proactive in my emotional and physical well-being.
Two years later, I cut ties with him and my entire family. Believe me, these are toxic people, and I have been a lot better off without them. They did nothing but try and wreak havoc in my life. They tried to split up my husband and I on numerous occasions and in ways that would make your blood curdle.
Since then, I have been a lot happier. I have healed from emotional neglect and abuse. I have also worked past the mind game my father played on me that day.
At some point, I could no longer deny the writer in me, so I went for it. My first book was a collaboration between me and two other authors.
https://www.amazon.com/Farming-Industrial-Hemp-Daddys-Tobacco/dp/1928776027
Not only did it reach the top of its category, but it created change in the nation’s fledgling industry, industrial hemp. We did a lot of good with that book. We dispelled myths and misinformation in the “wild West” atmosphere of the fledgling industry, misinformation that could harm the general public.
Our book got into the hands of congressmen, senators, and the head of the FDA and other government agencies at the time when they were just writing the first legislations. Because we covered the safest growing practices, including natural pesticides that should be used on the plants, that section wound up almost word-for-word from our book in federal regulations for growing practices in industrial hemp. You see, it was a huge concern because industrial hemp is like a sponge. It soaks up all toxins in the ground, and it absorbs any chemical pesticides used on it. They were planted around Chernobyl, Russia, to soak up the radiation in the ground. Planting in toxic soil and using toxic pesticides create toxic plants, which cannot be processed out once they are in there. Many companies claimed toxins extracted during the processing of the plant for CBD without any proof to their claim. I believe the government saw the validity in our points.
In addition, only three months after its publication, the book won an international award. My coauthors and I were all shocked. We didn’t have to pay, apply for it, beg, or even bribe anyone. They contacted us and asked for the book. We gave it to them. They provided us with the award.
Since then, we are referred to as experts in our home county and across the world. We worked with farms across the world before COVID, including Africa and China. In addition, before COVID, we were often asked to speak at industrial hemp expos as experts.
And, finally, recently we were asked to comment on the local news about developments in the legalization of marijuana in the grand state of Virginia. On one part, they did a closeup of my face when I was explaining that in order to grant access to the disadvantaged to the industry, instead of requiring a $1,000,000 licensing fee, they should lower that amount by $999,800. What good is it going to do everyone else if we have to stand by the sidelines while a privileged few, such as marijuana companies from out of state who are already well-established millionaires, get to be the only ones to profit for a number of years while the disadvantaged farmers get to watch them make their millions before they could even enter the market? By then, the market will be more well-developed, and then entry into it will be more difficult, even shutting out minorities. Someone had to say it.
So, with one book, we earned an international award, recognition and expertise in an industry, influence in federal regulations, and press coverage.
How about it, Dad? Do you want to tell me again how I’m going to fail?
Didn’t think so.
Here is another cool victory photo I found in case you need a bit more inspiration:
A Favor
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Plus, I will probably have big news about my fiction book this year, so keeping in touch will keep you up to date on developments as they occur.
