How I (Literally) Found My Voice
I used to think I had a small voice. Trying to order a drink in a loud club was impossible. During work meetings, I felt like I had to take a huge breath and forcefully project to be heard and avoid the embarrassing “What? Can you repeat that?” response I frequently experienced. Even with a microphone, people would yell from the crowd “Speak up! We cannot hear you!” Before formal training, I was convinced I just had small vocal chords and little lungs; I was simply just not capable of commanding a room with my voice. I was wrong.
By the way, I am not a shy person. If you are reading this and you do not know me, I thought I should clear that up. My vocal issues did not stem from a lack of confidence. In a quiet one-on-one setting, I absolutely can command a situation with my body language, choice of words and poise. It was only when I required some volume I lost my power.
Why does your voice matter?
The way you sound can define how you are perceived. Do you need to speak with authority? Do you need to express a specific emotion? Do you need to grab attention? Learning how to use your voice will help you be in control of how others view you. Voice control is part of that hard-to-define element of professional presence, and that has substantial ramifications.
The way others respond to your voice can define how you perceive yourself. The frustration from trying to talk to my friends in bars overwhelmed me. I genuinely thought I might be boring because no one seemed interested in what I had to say when we went out. I had an ex-boyfriend finally tell me, “I am not NOT listening I just can’t hear you.” My complex about my “tiny voice” made me pass on opportunities to speak at conferences and panels. I felt it would just be too painfully embarrassing to deal.
Communication is more than the words you choose. If I take my voice up at the end of every sentence during a meeting, everyone’s going to think I am making suggestions or brainstorming. If I want my staff to do something I have to say it like I want them to do it. I also don’t want to bark it at them. Understanding how to use my voice to communicate the correct tone is almost, if not, more important than the words I am choosing.
How I Found My Voice
My boyfriend is a musician and a singer. We always sing together in the car or around the house. One day he said, “I think you could be a singer. You have great pitch.” I laughed because here I was avoiding public speaking because of my tiny voice and he wants me to go sing in front of people? The truth is, I’ve always loved singing and I have always wanted to be a musician.
My boyfriend told me a story of how when he was a little boy, he would sing all the time and one day his sister teased him about his voice and from that day on, he never sang in front of people. Once he graduated from music school and started his band he decided to get vocal lessons because he wanted to sing the words he had written. He referred me to his coach, Alicia Dara.
When I started going to Alicia I went with a goal. It was July and I had booked a show to sing in on my birthday, December 23rd. I built a showcase with all my friends called A Very Country Christmas. I was to open the show with two songs. I had a long long way to go.
During our first lesson, she asked me how I use my voice. I started with “I have a small voice, I want..” and she interrupted me and said, “No you don’t.” Which really surprised me to hear. I told her the stories of trying to simply order a beer or not being heard in a meeting and she said: “…that’s not because your voice is small it’s just stuck in a box.” I can’t describe the sense of relief I felt when a professional voice coach told me that one of my biggest insecurities could be remedied.
I found my voice, I did not change my voice
I don’t know many women who have not received some sort of unsolicited feedback on the way they sound. NPR did an amazing piece called “Talking While Female” where they discuss the research around how women’s voices sounds and how we use our voices. Research shows “feminine traits” such as vocal fry, a higher pitch and our patterns of speech make women appear less trustworthy and less authoritative. Even though this research is disheartening, it doesn’t mean we need to change our voices.
Pitch
Through my singing lessons, I found I am a mezzo-soprano. That means I have a medium-high voice. My speaking voice is also pretty medium-high. It’s not quite a mouse but I have voiced a child’s part in a commercial or two in my life. My public speaking lessons don’t help me learn to lower my voice but rather to manage the air to create vocal resonance. Vocal resonance is essentially your volume knob, it’s what helps your voice carry and fill the room. It’s a mixture of correct breath and “placing” where you are making the sounds (your nose, vs. your throat etc.).
Vocal Fry
Working on my vocal resonance helps me carry authority and it addresses my vocal fry by keeping my voice up off the lowest parts of my range (that is where vocal fry is made.) Correct breath support also keeps my vocal chords from getting tired, which also causes vocal fry.
Patterns of Speech
Correct breath support has also helped me with my patterns of speech. I tend to speak quickly and run everything together. In order to get the right type of breath, I have to add space to my sentences. I also now know how much air and how to ration it that I don’t speed up at the end or take my voice up. I can speak with a more even tone when I need to or reserve air for emphasis. I control the air so I control my voice.
How to Find Your Voice
Group Vocal Coaching is a measured approach and a great way to dip your toes into it. My coach Alicia actually holds a class for women that specifically address women’s vocal issues and gives you an opportunity to try out your new skills in front of a group. I am doing her class for the first time this month because I want to practice with a group that can give me feedback. Right now if I want feedback I have to place someone in the crowd or watch my own recordings. Feedback will help you iterate quickly on your technique.
Private Vocal Coaching would be the most aggressive way to address your voice. If you are a very nervous speaker you might start here or if you have a lot of public speaking on the horizon. I use a private coach because I work on both singing and speaking. Private coaching can range from $70 — $100/ hour so it understandably feels like a luxury but you may be able to get your company to cover it as continuing education.
The vocal work I’ve done has been huge for me. You may have even started following me here because you saw me speak at an event! I encourage you to explore your voice and how it can change your career and your life, for me it has instrumental in my success.
As always, if you have questions about this or any of my posts, please send me a message on Linkedin. I’m happy to chat.
Also, you can watch my singing debut on this very poor quality Facebook Live recording.
