The White Girl & Her Posole Recipe
Here is a link to my Posole Recipe.
I previously never paid much mind to who my biological dad is or who his family is. I know they come from the Sinaloa region of Mexico and that most of his immediate family has immigrated to the United States. They live in California, I think. I am Facebook friends with him and some of his family. I’ve watched these strangers get married, have children, go through divorces, remarry, travel, and experience loss of other family members I do not know.
As I grow older, I find myself growing more and more curious about them. Late at night, I look at their Facebook profiles and even message with them from time to time. Sometimes my biological grandmother will comment on my photos with, “Bonita!” or “Bella!” Last winter I planned a trip to southern California with a boyfriend and thought I might take that opportunity to meet them. I drove past their cities without reaching out.
My mother remarried when I was young to a different Mexican man who has been my dad since I can remember. I feel lucky I was able to experience my Mexican heritage through him and his family, who I consider my own. My step-dad’s family has been in the United States for generations, unlike my biological dad. I think My sisters and I are the first generation of Barron’s to be born a US Citizen. It’s hard to know.
My traditions come from both sides, blending to make my unique set. I expect to see tamales on the table for Christmas, but I also expect to see a roast with Yorkshire puddings. The mixed traditions of both cultures just blurred together seamlessly growing up. My white mother made the Sunday posole and my Mexican father made the Turkey on Thanksgiving. We attended small backyard weddings and grand catholic weddings, done in both English and Spanish. Half of my siblings are dark, and half of them are fair. I heard my dad have phone calls in Spanish and calls in English. I’ve been to family parties with Mariachis and ones without Mariachis. In my family home I never worried about being “enough” of either side.
As an adult, I struggle with my mixed race heritage. When I am with Mexican people I don’t feel Mexican enough. When I am with white people, I feel like an interloper, passing as white my entire life and enjoying the privilege it affords me. When I mention my Mexican heritage to a Mexican person, they will immediately switch to Spanish which rushes the blood to my face as I admit my Spanish is pretty nonexistent, even with four years of it through school. When I am categorized as white, I am quick to remind people I am half Mexican, so I don’t feel like I am hiding that part of myself, as if I am ashamed of it.
The current political climate reminds me every day of my divide. When I read news stories about the wall, it sends pain to my heart, imagining my own family trying to come across to find a better life. When I can see the apprehension Mexican immigrant children in a nonprofit program I volunteer for have towards me, I feel a pit in my stomach hoping they can see I am one of them, I am not just a white person who might turn them in to the authorities. This struggle lives in me as I dig deeper into where I come from, both into my Mexican and white sides.
A few years ago, I was invited to a friend’s wedding shower and we were supposed to bring a family recipe to pass on to her. It stopped me in my tracks. I did not know how to make any of family’s food. Sure, I’d helped in the kitchen while my white grandmother made a roast or watched my Mexican dad fry up noodles to make fideo but I didn’t know how to cook any of it. I reached out to my mother in Texas for a recipe. She suggested Posole and sent hers to me. It’s as you expect from a family recipe, it was incomplete and based solely on her experience cooking it full of measurements in pinches and handfuls. I wanted to make sure my friend could make the Posole so following my mom’s recipe, my memory, and some online blogs; I made my first batch of Posole.
I’ve experimented with my posole recipe from batch to batch for the last three years. I’ve even adapted it for the Instant Pot. It’s my go-to for a potluck lunch at work or when I’ve had a little too much fun on a Saturday night, and I need something to help me recover. My posole recipe is rich, a little spicy and full of nostalgia. It’s also one step I’ve taken to explore and share my Mexican heritage. Being able to cook Posole makes me feel closer to that side of me and having my white friends ask me for the recipe makes me feel more accepted.
I’ve pulled together my Posole Rojo recipe if you’d like to try it. Here is a link to my Instant Pot Posole Recipe. Let me know if you get stuck anywhere while making it!
