E-Frustration, Revised into Psalmic Form (Reprint)
Author’s Note: This is an even more irreverent rewrite. Hoping this has already been published on Other Voices.
Oh, Lord that You would stay my hand. Give my heart strength to wait upon Your time.
Please leave Your Great White Throne and judge these electronic evildoers worthy of eternal smiting —
- the phishers
- the harpooners
- the black hat thieves
- the creepy, psycho stalkers
- the fundamentalist sickos
- the e-bullies
Lord, send those who break Your rules into a black abyss of obscurity. If they live, steal, cheat, and die by the internet deny them even electricity to warm them.
Tear down the idol of the internet. Help us return it to its proper place under Your authority.
Help us remember the simple joys of your provision: a beautifully bound book, cursive writing, and homemade culinary delights from the faithful of all generations.
Remind us again of the futility and arrogance of the builders of the Titanic. Help us see these actions as the result of cycles upon cycles of prideful arrogance:
- We increase password size
- e-evildoers multiply code breaking strength
- We move encryption to the next degree
- e-evildoers develop next generation encryption cracking
- We add multi-layer security
- e-evildoers simply create access to multiple device layers
- We fix a security breach
- e-evildoers just develop the next trojan (oh, that You would have permitted their parents to use those successfully!)
Build up Your people in purity, goodness, and righteousness. Shield them with the palms of Your Hands as they fight mutually assured destabilization of sanity. Bind the e-evildoers who know no wrong.
You, oh Lord, know all things and see all things. We are mere mortals and can’t remember the questions. Provide us with Your answers.
Yeah, we walk through the internet tarnished by the Fall, but we fear no evil for You lead us and guide us to an eternity without end and the internet.