Ending the Cycle — Part Deux

I had to add something fresh to prove that after all the misery and education of the culmination of two types of awareness I was still alive and kicking.

While my blog has been faithfully publishing the old stuff, I’ve:

• Written new pieces for the month of May
• Successfully tested for my state life insurance license
• Begun studying for my securities license
• Kept my sanity on bill paying days with the layoff not yet far enough in the past and a checking account balance not quite high enough

Something that doesn’t often get discussed in awareness months is healing. I’m not sure if that’s because it varies from one person to the next, or if it’s because it’s hard for those who haven’t healed to read about those who have.

Healing was the hardest thing for me. I am a perfectionist with low tolerance for a lack of wisdom; it was easy for me to wallow on the wrong kinds of thoughts.

I had to choose what to use to fill my mind with the right kind of thoughts. That is, I had to take out the junk of the lies spoken to me about my worthlessness, ineptitude, incompetence, and stupidity and replace them with truths of who I am as a woman and the Truth of who I am as a dedicated Christ pursuer.

What follows comes from my other blog in a post titled “Who Do You Think You Are AKA The Princess Speech.” It is revised and updated slightly (with my permission).

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Our associate pastor gave a sermon centered around the question, “Who do you think you are?” It was beautiful, or what I heard of it. As usual, something was said that sent my brain careening into places dark and deep and not usually fit for public consumption (always an equal opportunity daydreamer and nightmare creator).

The thing that really set me off was the image of the enemy of my soul challenging me with that question, followed by more (the more of course is always in my imagination).

• Really, do you think you deserve to succeed? After all, your bad choices made others make bad choices; you might see heaven, but they won’t because you couldn’t even decide what denomination you were.
• And seriously, do you really think that because you dress like a woman and think like a man you even deserve to keep a worldly job, forget getting equal pay for equal work and skill?
• And why should any of the church types connect to you? You’re edgy and avante garde and nouveau.
• And why should the world types connect to you? You give time away for free to friends and your church.
• Moreover, why should anyone connect to you? You don’t get rules of polite society, and you can’t get rules of polite society into your kids’ heads, and you definitely don’t get the gender rules you’re supposed to follow.

Anyway, the point of the sermon was to challenge the question with a response from God’s Word. The funny thing is, that’s the point of the princess of God Most High speech I always pull on my daughters (referenced in other blog posts).

I “designed” the speech to help my daughters understand fully how their Creator sees them, what He designed them to feel and do, and how loved they are by the God of all the universe.

But I should really be giving myself the speech. Yet it always feels so funny and awkward and unnatural, like somehow it’s good enough for my daughters, but I’m not good enough to receive it myself.

But the more I think of it, the more I believe every working Christian woman dedicated to living an authentically holy life in the grime and gutters of the world should have it or something similar. So, here’s what I would say to me if I were my own daughter (let’s not ponder the bioethics of that one).

You are a daughter of God Most High, a princess of the tribe of the Lion of Judah. Your Abba Daddy owns the cattle on a thousand hills, and He could create more by the power of His Words.

Abba knew you as He formed you in your mother’s womb. He called you to be His workmanship, a masterpiece to do deeds that only you could do in such a time as this. You are His ambassador to bring the power of the Gospel and the love of Jesus to your corner of the world.

You do good and not evil all the days of your life. You are a blessing to all around you. You work with your hands to make financial gains, and you invest those gains wisely and profitably. Your work is good, and all those under your care lack no good thing. You labor at all times for the Lord Your God.

You are clothed in strength and honor; you speak with wisdom and kindness. Your righteous fear of the Lord brings you praise and wisdom.

After the work of daylight, you wrestle tirelessly against the darkness of this world. You don’t fight flesh and blood, but your testimony, spoken Scriptures, and sung hymns spiritually combat principalities, powers, the rulers of the current darkness, and the hosts of wickedness in the heavenly realms. You overcome both now and in eternity.

References — The following is the list of Scriptures upon which the prayer is loosely and largely based: Revelation 5:5, Psalm 50:10, Colossians 1:16, Psalm 139:13–16, Jeremiah 1:5, Ephesians 2:10, 2 Corinthians 5:20, Proverbs 31:10–31, Ephesians 6:12, Revelation 12:11.