Feminine Struggle
I’m struggling with something. I’m still learning how to verbalize it, so please be very careful about what you take away from this piece.
I hate being a woman. No, that’s not right.
Father God made me a woman. My chromosomes match, and I’ve borne children from my body by His grace. So I am a daughter, vis-a-vis nature and spirituality.
Somehow, though, when He made my brain, He decided that I should be more logical, with greater strength for harder science (although you’d never know looking at some of my school grades).
For example, while other women were commiserating with their kids about being a swing short on the playground because the swing was wrapped around the top bar, I was standing at a distance, studying the chains and wrapping, solving how to make the swing available. If I had the tools, I made the swing available. When I didn’t have the tools, I looked to see if there was something that could be re-purposed into a tool.
When I walk into a clothing store, I’m angry at all the cuts and styles of skirts, blouses, slacks, cardigans, and other things that there are for women. Let’s not forget dresses: sundresses, sheaths, formal gowns, and everything in between. I’m frustrated and overwhelmed. I’m wishing like my husband I could just walk in, find the right size, double-check a single item to ensure the fit is right, and then pull enough from the racks to check out without wasting hours of time.
We will skip makeup, jewelry, and nail care. It’s the same problem; men don’t have to think and the ones that choose to have far fewer and simpler options.
Yet, I don’t feel that I can identify as transgendered.
First, Father God made my chromosomes match. It’s just not wise to argue with Father God.
Second, in all these issues, I’m not the problem. It’s what society expects of me, so society is the problem. Society has these fucked up concepts of what a woman should look like, how a woman should dress, and what a woman should do with her life.
In all of these, society sets standards but then communicates mixed messages about how women should apply these standards. We live in a laissez-faire, anything-goes society. Yet free-spirited women who take advantage of the mixed messages to push the boundaries are ostracized through silent judgment, mostly behind their backs:
- Like to dress like a man? You must be a lesbian.
- Wear a short skirt? You’re a tramp. You deserve all that happens to you.
- Wear long skirts and many layers? You must be too religious.
- Prefer short shorts and tank tops? You’re a tramp. You deserve all that happens to you.
- Refuse to wear makeup? You must be a lesbian.
- Wear too much makeup? You’re a tramp.
- Single, working, with no kids? You’re so intelligent and driven. You should find a man and settle down.
- Married, stay-at-home, with many kids? You’re so intelligent and driven. You should have used birth control and gotten a job.
- Work full-time and have kids? You should spend more time with the kids and only work part-time.
- Work full-time and have kids? You should find better childcare and work some overtime to get ahead.
- Want to work in a male-dominated field? You must be high on yourself. You’ll never keep up the boys.
- Have a kick-ass vocabulary that makes a dickhead sailor blush? Really, you should clean up your language. You’ll never get that far in life sounding like that.
- Have a vocabulary that would not get the attention of the FCC, complete with the buzz? You must be a religious goody-two-shoes.
Yes, I’ve heard all these lines at one time or another, applied to myself and other women. Sadly too, I’ve heard them from the mouths of other women against other women.
Society’s unreasonable expectations and mixed messages are chains and fetters that hold us back from all that Father God has made His daughters to be. The Bible is full of women who outsmarted men in various ways:
- Rahab the prostitute (Joshua 2, Joshua 6:22–24) was a double-agent who helped Israel invade Jericho
- Jael (Judges 4:17–22) killed the enemy commander with a tent peg
- Esther (Esther 8, 9) the foreign queen led her people in an uprising against an unjust edict from the conquering king
- Mary (Luke 1:26–38) a single girl who agreed to accept an unplanned pregnancy that could have gotten her stoned (and not with marijuana) but instead resulted in the birth of Christ
All these women were women. They were feminine. Yet, there were aspects of them that their society rejected. However, despite that rejection, they rose up and did great things in the right time. They were stronger than men. They did what men would do or more.
How can we, as women, identify as women and yet take advantage of those things society hates in us to rise up and do the great things we’re called to do?
How can we encourage each other to rise up and reject society’s unattainable expectations and ignore society’s duplicitous mixed messages?
Can we cease hating what we are and what we’re not and strive to become all that we need and are needed to be in such a time as this?
