Hard Hearted
I’m having a struggle in my heart.
This is the time of year I made one of the best decisions in my life — to marry the man who has become my best friend and a good and Godly leader in our home.
It’s been hard though. I get some unusual looks when people find out it’s his first marriage and it’s my second. I am divorced… just once. (I did get a Roman Catholic annulment before I departed that denominational pew, but I digress.)
Some Christians have a hard time with this decision. In a way, they have a right to.
Jesus Himself spoke against divorce and remarriage. (Don’t tune out yet; let me finish.) Matthew 19:3–9 is hard, even in the International Children’s Version:
Some Pharisees came to Jesus and tried to trick him. They asked, “Is it right for a man to divorce his wife for any reason he chooses?”
Jesus answered, “Surely you have read in the Scriptures: When God made the world, ‘he made them male and female.’ And God said, ‘So a man will leave his father and mother and be united with his wife. And the two people will become one body. So the two are not two, but one. God joined the two people together. No person should separate them.”
The Pharisees asked, “Why then did Moses give a command for a man to divorce his wife by giving her divorce papers?”
Jesus answered, “Moses allowed you to divorce your wives because you refused to accept God’s teaching. But divorce was not allowed in the beginning. I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman is guilty of adultery The only reason for a man to divorce and marry again is if his first wife has been unfaithful to him.”
There are two hard things in this for me.
First, why did the Lord of all creation fail to address abuse? Surely, He never intended for His precious daughters to be up the creek without a paddle in a chicken mesh boat surrounded by cow field runoff. That is, we made an unwise choice or a choice with undue pressure and we get no second chance at a good and Godly relationship? We are tied there until we kill ourselves or the partner kills us?
I am pretty sure that He chose not to deal with women initiating divorce because women at that time were not viewed as people. They were viewed as property to be bought and sold, to have restitution made for damage or loss (Exodus 22:16–17).
Second, everyone seems to assume that every marriage is indeed blessed by God and the two are joined together. What if God, who knows the beginning from the end, looks at the couple at the altar and shakes His head, thinking:
what are they thinking? they’re not thinking. I’m just going to look away for a bit. well, I see and know everything, so I can’t look away. maybe I just won’t give it the marriage go-juice glue.
Therefore, not every marriage would be blessed by God, giving credence to the annulment process of the Catholic Church. In a church rumored to be merciless about remarriage after divorce, they sometimes study the dead marriage and determine that although all the physical trappings of marriage were there there was no spiritual “Bazinga” at the wedding. So there was no spiritual marriage and the parties might be free for a second shot at redemption.
And that’s why we’re together — we accept both premises.
But a part of me is scared for him, for his soul… that what if nagging in the back of my head… the following Scriptures thrown at me by my soul or the enemy of my soul:
- Jeremiah 17:9, Amplified Classic Edition: The heart is deceitful above all things, and it is exceedingly perverse and corrupt and severely, mortally sick! Who can know it [perceive, understand, be acquainted with his own heart and mind]?
- 1 Timothy 4:1–2, The Passion Translation: The Holy Spirit has explicitly revealed: At the end of this age, many will depart from the true faith one after another, devoting themselves to spirits of deception and following demon-inspired revelations and theories. Hypocritical liars will deceive many, and their consciences won’t bother them at all!
How wretched my heart and mind can get! The remedy for this all is grace.
I have to trust that God would not have permitted anything that did not bring Him glory. I have to believe that the enemy would not inspire anything that would make me stronger and more open in authentically living my faith.
I have to cling to Romans 7:21–25, Passion Translation:
Through my experience of this principle, I discover that even when I want to do good, evil is ready to sabotage me. Truly, deep within my true identity, I love to do what pleases God. But I discern another power operating in my humanity, waging a war against the moral principles of my conscience and bringing me into captivity as a prisoner to the “law” of sin — this unwelcome intruder in my humanity. What an agonizing situation I am in! So who has the power to rescue this miserable man from the unwelcome intruder of sin and death?
I give all my thanks to God, for his mighty power has finally provided a way out through our Lord Jesus, the Anointed One! So if left to myself, the flesh is aligned with the law of sin, but now my renewed mind is fixed on and submitted to God’s righteous principles.
Then I have to remember that we have grace and we have not casually tramped on that grace. As stated in Ephesians 2:8–10, The Passion Translation:
For it was only through this wonderful grace that we believed in him. Nothing we did could ever earn this salvation, for it was the gracious gift from God that brought us to Christ!So no one will ever be able to boast, for salvation is never a reward for good works or human striving.
We have become his poetry, a re-created people that will fulfill the destiny he has given each of us, for we are joined to Jesus, the Anointed One. Even before we were born, God planned in advance our destiny and the good works we would do to fulfill it!
