My Judas Lament

Author’s Note: This is republished and revised with my permission from my original blog at https://kittiephoenixromans08.wordpress.com/2016/12/14/my-judas-lament/.

I fell into a dark chasm that year.
Decades ago you watched but didn’t know…

Where I was
Why I was there
What I needed

I shouted in the deep and dazzling darkness,
But I was lying and denying the truth.

The flames exploded from my lips
Into your broken, frozen heart.
As I traded deception and reality,
I sold you out,
Thinking I was buying you safety from destruction.

How great is the damage I’ve done!
What have I cost you, my friend?
How can I repay this staggering debt?

Have I destroyed your chance at eternity?
Have I devoured the calling on your heart?
Have I stolen soul upon soul from salvation and shepherding?
Have I killed the grand babies your mamma wanted,
All blue-eyed, sweet, and innocent?

Your friend became the Enemy that night,
And you turned from our true Master
Whom I never really served well.

Forgive me.
Come home.
Make it right.

I can’t, you can’t, we can’t, they can’t.

I’ve fallen and I can’t get up;
We’ve fallen, and the King hasn’t helped put us back together again.

Maybe letting go then was wrong.
And holding on now is wrong.
It’s all wrong.