“The Sub Wears Combat Pants”
The following is my top-ten list of one-liners from prior students I’ve coached, taught, facilitated, monitored, or whatever the administration’s favorite term is for what guest/substitute teachers do. They are in no particular order.
My preferred answer appears in the line below the statement. Of course, I am too professional to really give that answer.
Enjoy!
10. We never get this much work from our regular teacher.
(Should I show you your regular teacher’s instructions?)
9. Are you mean?
(Depends on what you mean .Do your work; we’ll be fine. No work yields consequences; you will think I’m mean. It’s about perception.)
8. We never get tests this hard.
(Hmmm… again, let’s look at the instructions from your regular teacher… who left this test for you.)
7. I feel sorry for your husband and kids.
(Don’t. His work ethic is just as challenging as mine. He’d probably feel more sorry for you. As for the kids, they don’t whine and complain, and they’re doing well for their circumstances. Unlike some in present company…)
6. Our regular teacher doesn’t do this this way.
(Hmmm… Variety is the spice of life. I am not your regular teacher. I have not asked you to sin or to break the law. I am simply asking you to work with me here to get the work done. Different, yes. Mutiny worthy, no.)
5. Our regular teacher lets us pick our own seats.
(I have a seating chart here that says otherwise.)
4. Our regular teacher ________________________________. <You fill in the blank.>
(As stated before, I am not your regular teacher. Therefore, some things will be different. Different is not wrong.)
3. *mumbled statements with papers in my face*
(Ah, the bell has rung. It is study hall… where the modern student does everything but study. Sit down and let me take attendance while I shift gears. Passes will be reviewed and honored after attendance.
2. Can I go to (band sectional, chorus review, art independent study)?
(Okay, you are getting new notes today, with a quiz in two days. I just handed you a review worksheet with only about 70% of the information completed. Of the 70% completed, only 70% was accurate. Do you really think that it is a wise decision for you to leave class today… or ever?)
1. When is this due?
(Okay, I have it on the blackboard with the agenda, it is on your electronic learning system, and I announced it twice as I passed out the assignment. So many comments, so little time. For the final time, this is due as noted on the blackboard on <insert date here>.)
