I Did a Solo Hike in Sweden
When you feel like there is something you always wanted to do, but everyone has always told you not to do it, cause it’s dangerous, find the courage and do it.
At the beginning of 2018 I felt overwhelmed. The feeling of anxiety was stronger than me at times. I needed a break, but as everyone knows, the downside of working as a freelancer is, you can’t just take a break cause you don’t get paid for your holiday. So the anxiety just grows. It’s a vicious circle. And here I was, tired of working and exhausted by my own overly ambitious approach, unable to move on.
In moments like that, when the body and the mind stop working, nothing makes sense. I was doing the minimum that would let me through, but even the minimum felt like too much. I cried a lot.
Even though it felt like I was stuck in a hole, somehow I decided something had to be done about it. I guess I must be a fighter, and a very strong one, even though I rarely realise that. I was lucky, cause I wasn’t alone. I could tell a few people about my struggle. They understood. I decided I would get some counselling. That was a good decision. I joined a walking group. And started walking and exploring Sussex with them. This was inspiring.
It was February, my birthday month, and I decided I would do a solo hike in Sweden some time this year, as this had always been my dream. I had neither the strength nor the motivation to even think about it, but something inside me told me I should start planning it anyway. I made a deal with myself to only take one small step at a time, and never stop believing I would eventually feel better, no matter how hard it felt then. As you can imagine, the whole preparation process was long, but in a nutshell, I:
- bought a nice 40 L rucksack (its name is ‘Röse’ which means ‘cairn’ in Swedish)
- booked my flight tickets
- did some research and planned my hike
- decided I would walk for four days
- bought the maps
- got a compass and learned how to use it
- got some instant food
- got a poncho, a head torch, good socks and a small first aid kit including blister plasters
(meanwhile August 2018 came)
- packed
- flew to Sweden
- started my hike*
*I only let two people know about what I was doing, when and where I was going to, for safety reasons, as it was my first ever solo adventure like that. Only two people, cause I wanted to avoid questions like Aren’t you scared to do this? Usually I ask myself the same question too often, don’t need others to ask it again. Instead I needed faith, hope, encouragement and energy. I needed to find those in myself.
The beginning of the trek was very hard. On day one, when I started in Tänndalen, the weather in the morning was dreadful. It was windy, dark and rainy. I felt weird. I was indeed a bit scared as I wasn’t sure if I would find the right path.
I eventually did. But after a few kilometers of walk, I fell in a river and my boots got completely wet. I talked to myself and I kept walking, focusing on each step. I was still 21 km away from my first shelter, Skedbrostugan.
On my way I encountered a few reindeer, some rock ptarmigans and NO people. But weirdly, I never felt alone.
Up there, the skies are so close.
The weather got much better in the afternoon and the sun finally decided to look at me and help me to keep going.
I even found this beach:
And saw this KEEP ON! sign:
The path was overall VERY rocky. My joints hurt a lot. My wet boots were still a bit wet. After nearly 8 hours I finally got to the first stop, the wooden hut. I was exhausted but VERY proud of myself and happy.
That night, before bed, I brushed my teeth outside the hut, looking at the full moon.
I met an amazing person there, too. We had a conversation I will always remember. I will probably never see that person again.
I woke up the next day and realised I had the best night sleep ever, too.
My hike continued the next day. And the following days. In four days I managed to complete around 90 km on foot in total, from Tänndalen to Grövelsjön fjällstation.
The things that happened during the hike and after it (I would like to keep them to myself) just reassured me that I was predestined to do this walk on my own.
One of the (quite creepy) things was the picture that my friend Lisa sent me after my return (look at the orange head band!)…
This text is a way for me to share this important experience with the world. It is also a reminder to myself I have done something cool, that I should be proud of, a proof I could easily do it again, and about realising hard moments in life are there for a reason.
If only I don’t pretend they don’t exist, if I don’t ignore them, but notice them and try to see why they are there, I can learn from them. They can even make me do things I never expected myself to do.
If only I dare and allow myself to think I can.
A million footsteps, this left foot drags behind my right
But I keep walking, from daybreak ’til the falling night
And as days turn into weeks and years
And years turn into lifetimes
I just keep walking, like I’ve been walking for a thousand years
Walk away in emptiness, walk away in sorrow,
Walk away from yesterday, walk away tomorrow,
If you’re walking to escape, to escape from your affliction
You’d be walking in a great circle, a circle of addiction
Did you ever wonder what you’d been carrying since the world was black?
You see yourself in a looking glass with a tombstone on your back
Walk away in emptiness, walk away in sorrow,
Walk away from yesterday, walk away tomorrow,
Walk away in anger, walk away in pain
Walk away from life itself, walk into the rain
All this wandering has led me to this place
Inside the well of my memory, sweet rain of forgiveness
I’m just hanging here in space
Now I’m suspended between my darkest fears and dearest hope
Yes I’ve been walking, now I’m hanging from a dead man’s rope
With Hell below me, and Heaven in the sky above
I’ve been walking, I’ve been walking away from Jesus’ love
Walk away in emptiness, walk away in sorrow,
Walk away from yesterday, walk away tomorrow,
Walk away in anger, walk away in pain
Walk away from life itself, walk into the rain
All this wandering has led me to this place
Inside the well of my memory, sweet rain of forgiveness
I’m just hanging here in space
The shadows fall
Around my bed
When the hand of an angel,
The hand of an angel is reaching down above my head
All this wandering has led me to this place
Inside the well of my memory, sweet rain of forgiveness
Now I’m walking in his grace
I’m walking in his footsteps
Walking in his footsteps,
Walking in his footsteps
All the days of my life I will walk with you
All the days of my life I will talk with you
All the days of my life I will share with you
All the days of my life I will bear with you
Walk away from emptiness, walk away from sorrow,
Walk away from yesterday, walk away tomorrow,
Walk away from anger, walk away from pain
Walk away from anguish, walk into the rain
