DAY 26 OF 30 OF THE APRIL RELATIONSHIP WRITING CHALLENGE
I Don’t Always Tell My Partner When He Says Something That Bothers Me
I do something different that I know isn’t always a healthy reaction but I get lost in my emotions
I’m going to start off today’s challenge by saying that I’m very worn down right now. It’s been a challenging couple of days with our changing parking situation until the camping season starts. It has definitely led to some tension between my partner and me.
Blame, Shame, and a Confrontation
We aren’t perfect after all. I might have screamed a little more than I wanted to in the last couple of days. We’re okay right now, it’s just we both get anxious and frustrated and it’s hard for us to communicate sometimes. This morning, we woke up, well, he did, to the sound of dripping water and felt it all over his legs and feet. So, yeah, our roof is still just covered by the thick tarp and we still haven’t gotten our roof replaced yet.
The Statement and The Justification
Apparently, yesterday, he wanted to stay awake and go into town to get another tarp to prevent this. I’m not saying that he didn’t say that but I didn’t feel the urgency in it. It’s also like I didn’t have a plan to go get one today anyway. He told me that it was my fault that we didn’t go. I was so dead tired all day yesterday as we were trying to reset our sleep schedule.
I obviously didn’t like being accused of being indifferent and I made it known. In fact, I threw a fit. I got so worked up that I made empty threats about leaving again as I always do when he starts throwing accusations in my direction to the point that I feel trapped. I clearly do not have the motivation or desire to leave a man I love over something so trivial.
I Could React Better But I Reacted How I Did
My responses to these types of interactions aren’t always ideal. I get lost in my emotion when I’m trying to process things that my partner says to me sometimes. Also given the fact that I had just woken up, I was not in the best mood or headspace.
How would you react? Before this happened, he had spanked me awake. He came back after he had seen and felt the dripping water he spanked me and jolted me into a shouting match. How else was I supposed to feel about it and react? Well, anyway, after about an hour of sobbing, screaming, and talking to each other, we finally wore down and got our feelings out.
The Wind Down and Being Physically and Emotionally Exhausted
It was still about 5 am by the time we were done with all of that. I was still very much tired. I went back to sleep for a couple more hours but this time with my partner feeling bad and cuddled next to me. Sure, I let him know that I don’t like the things he says. Do I always take the best approach to it? No.
This morning shows that we’re not perfect and that we definitely can let our emotions get the best of us. If I was able to regulate my emotions better in the heat of the moment and act more measured and not try to withdraw and make him more frustrated and anxious, then we might not get into as many heated debates like that. I don’t want to justify yelling and not properly communicating my feelings with him but it’s something that I’ve acknowledged that I need to work on in the past.
Deb Palmer, Karen Schwartz, Ruby Noir, Denise Kendig, Keeley Schroder, Marlana, MSW, and Susie Winfield
