THANKFUL/THIS HAPPENED TO ME/CHRISTMAS GIFTS
Thank You Cards Were the Weirdest Reason My Godmother Stopped Giving Me Gifts
I said thank you in person and over the phone. What would a card have done?
My mom’s friend was my godmother
I was 11 years old. My godmother had been giving me a little something for Christmas every year. I never asked her to. She felt like she needed to even though I wasn’t related to her. In the Catholic church, a godparent would essentially take over for parents in case of emergency, but other than that artificial responsibility they have no legal requirement to fulfill, nothing is tying us otherwise.
My godmother and my mom were close friends since they both immigrated from the Philippines to the United States around the same time in the early 1980s. We lived close to each other and went to the same church for decades. At one point, later in my childhood after this story takes place, we even lived in one of her rentals for a few years.
She was once a generous person
You can see how close the family was to her now. So this made what happened in this story even more puzzling. Every year when we were super young, she would send us one or two presents a year for every member of the family, at least for the kids. I got a teddy bear from her and I also got some games and other random toys from her over the years.
As a small child, I would randomly tell her my interests throughout the year so she’d have a good idea of what I liked. After all, I was a big board game nerd from an early age. Also, I loved playing school with my various stuffed animals. I was always addicted to and loved to learn. That was always a huge part of my life and I made sure to make that clear to her so she wouldn’t give me gifts like toy cars or action figures, which I had no use for.
I got the perfect gift and was extremely thankful…at least, I thought that I was
Then came the fateful year. She got me the perfect board game after I had told her about it and games similar to it all year. I don’t even really remember what the game was at this point but I know that I was so into it at the time. I was super excited to receive it and the smile on my face when I opened it in front of her was more than enough to show that I was truly grateful for the present. I even gave her a hug and the usual respectful greeting that we were supposed to give our elders when we saw them.
I didn’t know what was about to hit and it seemed fine after that. I even called her later in the week to thank her. I was super excited that she got me the perfect Christmas gift and was more than happy to share that joy with her yet again. I don’t remember exactly how the next series of events went down but I remember my mom saying something about sending her a thank you card to show that I truly appreciated her.
I don’t ever remember doing this in the past. If my godmother had ever received anything from us in the past, it was likely written by my mom or just generically printed up for her because this was the first time it came up. I dismissed it for a bit and told my mom that I already profusely thanked my godmother once in person and again on the phone. The exercise seemed pointless to me and I didn’t think that anything would come of it.
That’s when she hit me with words that threw me for a loop
That’s when I heard my godmother say, “You’re such an ungrateful brat, Gerry.” Excuse me, what? What prompted this? I get you exactly what you want for Christmas and you can’t even thank me properly. “What are you talking about? I thanked you more than once. Once in person and included the respectful obligatory greeting and again on the phone when I told you how excited I was.”
“Well, your mom told me that you didn’t want to send me a thank you card. That tells me how much you appreciate your gift. You kids are so self-involved and selfish. I can’t believe you don’t know how to treat your elders.” This statement just floored me. I was 11 years old. I was pretty mature for an 11-year-old but I just didn’t understand in this moment what was making her so angry.
“Well, if that’s how you feel, I don’t know what to say,” I said calmly and politely. “Well, I just won’t give you any more gifts then,” she responded. I wasn’t okay but I responded with, “That’s fine with me. I can’t believe this is over a thank you card. I am thankful.”
We had a silent detente in our version of a Cold War, a Christmas Cold War
And that’s how we left it. We never talked about it after that. The presents stopped coming annually. I think my mom got something from her one year but that was about it. We lived in her rental for about seven years and even then we didn’t get any presents delivered to our house.
She was always wealthier than us and we always struggled yet we still didn’t seem to garner any further sympathy or attention from her. I learned never to ask anything from her or to expect anything from her over the years. I didn’t want to fall back into the conversation about being thankful when I more than showed that in the initial interaction.
Sometimes people value a piece of paper, a simple formality, but was that it?
She passed away a couple of years ago. I feel sad that I never gave that issue closure but I’m sure it was for the best. I guess a simple piece of paper and a formal thank you are more important to some than an actual in-person heartfelt thank you. I will never truly understand what set her off. It’s even possible that I may not have even been the true catalyst for this all.
Her relationship with my mother could’ve strained and that could’ve also led to her coming up with an excuse not to send me and my siblings any presents going forward. Then again, that doesn’t explain that random year my mom got something from her and the fact that we lived in a rental she owned at a discounted price for so many years.
Other explanations and possible takeaways
Maybe she felt sorry for my mother and didn’t know what to make of us kids. I always seemed to be disappointing to her in other regards. Maybe she thought that I was a lost cause or that I just got too old for presents. I guess we’ll never know.
The excuse of the lack of a thank you card though was very convenient and only one of the signs of the strained relationship I had with her over the decades. We were only ever truly tied through the church. When I fell out of the church, my bond with her diminished even more but I still think about her sometimes when I consider the tradition of gift-giving. She certainly made that feel a bit less joyous and a little more transactional. I want to say that’s the legacy she left on me but that’s a bit trite and oversimplified.
How would you feel about all of this? Have you ever encountered anything similar with your friends and family? What do you make of this all?
