‘Pleasure is Our Revolution’
Jenn Mason is shifting the culture that surrounds sexual identity and expression
By Ray Garcia
Welcome to WinkWink, where the spring sun rays shine through the clear windows, bright and unfiltered. Upon entering the cozy shop, you are first greeted by a collection of children’s books, stationary cards and adult coloring pages.
Following along the perimeter of the room, you will next find a clothes rack lush with lingerie of varying styles and sizes. The scattered artwork on the white, expansive walls attract the eye, leading visitors into a sexual wonderland of safety and pleasure.
At the back of the shop is a vibrant selection of dildos, vibrators, butt plugs and for the more sexually-adventurous customer, BDSM gear. The store is the size of small studio apartment. Everything is in plain sight.
“I knew I wanted it to feel open and bright and comfortable [so]… it’s easy to look around,” said Jenn Mason, owner of WinkWink. “We’re not the Home Depot of sex toys.”
Nestled at the base of a red-brick building, located near the corner block of Holly and Commercial, Jenn opened her boutique to the public in August 2018. Despite its size, WinkWink’s particular distinction as a sex-positive, identity-inclusive and gender-affirming shop takes a greater space — one that exceeds the confines of its walls.
Ringing true to their motto of “Come one, come all,” the shop is tailored to serve customers of differing identities and backgrounds. Apart from their selection of sex toys and accessories, WinkWink carries gender expression items, such as chest binders and packers.
They also offer their products in an assortment of skin tones and price points so pleasure is an inclusive, accessible experience.
“At the end of the day, we can have as many representative products and representative staff, but if you come in and you can’t afford anything, that’s a big problem,” Jenn said.
When asked about her inspiration behind the store, she said she was influenced by her past experience working at Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault Services (DVSAS) of Whatcom County.
For part of her time there, Jenn was an education coordinator, a role which allowed her to work in every middle school and high school in the county. At each school, she would speak to the students about relationships, consent and sexual assault.
She had been at DVSAS for nearly a decade when she left in 2014. During that time, Jenn fell in love, got married and welcomed her now 5-year-old daughter into the world. Needing to adjust to her new life, she left her job to accommodate these exciting changes.
Although she wanted to return to similar work one day, Jenn wasn’t sure what that would look like. She spent time reflecting about her past experience, saying how most of it was rooted in defining what we don’t want in relationships, what we don’t want in sex and boundary-setting.
So, she decided to open a sex-shop that valued sexual health and pleasure, equally.
“Most people have never really had an opportunity to think about what they like,” she said. “They’ve really never been able to explore what pleasure is in a space that’s not filled with shame and stigma.”
Part of WinkWink’s mission of inclusivity centers on its implementation of gender-neutral language. The staff explicitly uses they/them pronouns to address visitors, unless told otherwise. They also list certain items as “penis toys,” being mindful of the fact that not everyone with a penis identifies as male.
Josefina Mora, a WinkWink retail associate and a fourth-year student at Western Washington University, said she understands why it can be difficult for some to use neutral language, especially if they’ve been conditioned to categorize everything.
With practice, she said, it becomes a lot easier.
“It feels good because you know that you’re reminding people that [different identities] exist,” she said. “They are in our world and also deserve to be recognized…”
Both Jenn and Josefina stressed the importance of identity affirmation in our current day and age. They said working at the shop allows them to experience special moments in people’s lives when they feel acknowledged and accepted.
Recently, Jenn helped a customer who wanted to try on a chest binder. This particular individual, who she described as “younger than college-age,” was nervous and had friends with them for support.
After helping them find one that fit, Jenn noticed something click. A look of pure excitement graced the person’s face once they had it on.
Not wanting to end the person’s special moment, Jenn asked them if they wanted to keep the binder on and wear it out of the store.
There was only one reply: yes.
“That all came just from having the product available… There wasn’t anything fancy that we did,” Jenn said.
“I hope that [when] everybody walks out, they stand up a little taller and they feel like they are seen and that they belong and that they matter.”
Step one: Unlearning the stigma
Christine Hagstrom and Emily Van Den Hul are community health educators for Mt. Baker Planned Parenthood. Most of the time, they are visiting schools and community organizations across the county, teaching the youth about reproductive health and sexual education.
Although their paths to Planned Parenthood differ, they share a similar beginning: one that stems from the sexual education they received — or better yet, didn’t receive — when they were students.
Reflecting on her adolescence, Christine remembers having many questions about puberty and sex. When she was in high school, she had looked forward to learning more, hoping the material would demystify certain aspects of her changing body.
Furrowing her brows, she recalled how her teacher had told the class to wear “cute shoes” during the day-long program, explaining that she would be staring at the students’ feet the whole time. The teacher then told the students she would not be answering any questions about the material, only going as far as to read straight from the curriculum guide — that’s it.
“I was incredibly disappointed because I had looked up to that teacher and was very excited to learn [but] there were no learning opportunities for me,” Christine said.
Currently, Washington state law doesn’t require that sexual education be taught in public schools, only mandating HIV education. According to the Office of Superintendent of Public Instruction, the decision to introduce sexual health programs is left to the discretion of local school boards within each community.
The state law says that if sex ed is offered at a Washington public school, then it must be medically accurate, age appropriate and inclusive of the students, regardless of their gender-identity or sexual orientation.
However, throughout her time as a community health educator, Emily said many of the curriculum programs she taught were more heteronormative than inclusive.
Since the content often focuses on abstinence and pregnancy prevention, she’s concerned for her students with nonconforming identities, more specifically those from the LGBTQ+ communities.
“It’s just unsafe because that’s one type of sex, and all types of sex are susceptible to different STIs and HIV,” Emily said. “[It’s] not giving people the tools to protect themselves in all different types of relationships.”
In a study done by the Guttmacher Institute, research found that only eight states in the country require that the sexual education be appropriate for a student’s cultural background, while only nine states require that any discussion involving sexual orientation be inclusive.
Although Washington state is represented in those two figures, Christine emphasized how the law also allows parents to excuse their children from receiving sexual education. She said it’s frequently debated on what content is appropriate at different grade levels.
While not specifically advocating for a sex-positive approach on the matter of teen sexuality, Christine said it’s important that students are provided the information and resources to make healthy decisions about their bodies.
Her philosophy? If you’re mature enough to ask the question, you’re probably mature enough to hear the answer.
“I wish more people were having these conversations at home,” Christine said. “I think parents have such a valuable role in their child’s sexual health education … I wish we had more tools and resources for parents to continue that.”
Recognizing the inconsistencies in the types of sex-ed offered, Jenn knew she wanted WinkWink to be accessible to all ages — with or without a guardian. She said that many people are receiving incomplete or inaccurate information regarding sexual pleasure and wellness, which often results in shame or unsafe practices.
While acknowledging her privilege to do so, Jenn felt it was her responsibility to push that boundary once she found out that it was legal to run an all-ages, sex-shop.
“It really felt like an easy choice,” she said, without missing a beat.
If you’ve had the chance to visit WinkWink, you might have noticed the children’s books that decorate some of the shelves and tabletops.
Because the shop is frequently visited by parents, Josefina said the kid-friendly materials often help start those conversations at an earlier age, providing a foundation for more open communication in the future.
“A lot of parents don’t know how to talk to their children about sex or gender identity or trans folks,” Josefina said. “I think it was really critical for Jenn, being a mother herself, to be able to have resources to pass on to other parents.”
Step two: Shifting the culture
How often do you speak to your parents about sex? Do you ask for all the nitty, gritty details? Would they give them to you? Or is it a ‘only what you need to know’ basis?
For Jenn, she said her upbringing was like most — avoiding those conversations at all costs. She never even said the word “sex” in front of her parents until she was opening the shop.
However, it proved to be a valuable experience as Jenn’s parents then took an active role in helping her open the store. Before WinkWink’s grand opening, her dad spent time hanging shelves on the wall and building furniture for the boutique. Nowadays, Jenn said when her parents come into town, they often visit her at the shop.
Thinking back on those experiences, her face lit up in a warm smile that reached her eyes. She said the more conversations we have about sexual health and pleasure, the more we challenge the norm that we can’t talk about it.
“If you told me five years ago that [this] would be happening, I would have not believed you,” Jenn said. “Then, it turns out it’s fine. It’s like we needed me to kickstart it…”
Although there has been some progress on how we communicate about sex, Josefina said there is still this cultural barrier between the questions we want to ask and the information others are willing to share.
Throughout her time at WinkWink, she’s gotten a better grasp on topics she never really considered. From body-safe toys to the different types of lubricants, her knowledge has only continued to prosper and she will happily share it with anyone who’s willing to ask.
In the future, Josefina wants to study public health as a graduate student, hoping to focus on sexual education programs that are both queer-inclusive and culturally competent.
Such impacts, no matter how big or small, remind Jenn of the importance behind her shop in our current socio-political climate.
“[WinkWink] is really just opening up the idea that you’re okay exactly the way you are,” she said. “So long as you’re not harming anybody else… unless they want you to in a fun way.”
She saw an opportunity to create a space that could be proactive, inclusive and celebratory of who we are. Sometimes, she said, there are these moments in the store when she stops and takes it all in, paying homage to those who came before her; to those who started their own shops when there wasn’t a sex-positive movement.
Jenn doesn’t have any plans to open any more locations. In the simplest terms, she just hopes that when people walk into her store, they are given the opportunity to experience pleasure in their lives and to feel deserving of it.
“I like to believe that I’m part of a cultural shift around sex and pleasure — where we value and pursue it, and we celebrate and affirm it,” she said. “There’s so much work to be done around this [but] I believe that we can do it.”
*Editor’s Note: On Oct. 21, the headline was changed to better represent the story.
