3 Unconventional Ways To Kick-Start Your Self-Discovery Journey
& how they work
I’m staring at my laptop — the quiet chirping of birds in the background. 1…2…3…I breathe in, I breathe out. My heart starts to race and I feel the sweat on my forehead making its way to my eyebrows. I gasp, there are tiny flies everywhere! I want to run but my body doesn’t respond and I cannot see anything. Blackout.
This is one way of describing the crippling feeling I get, whenever I read yet another self-development article, re-heating the same approaches over and over again. We already heard of the most popular ten ways to be the best version of ourselves, find our ‘WHY’ or become the person we were ‘destined to be’ at least one hundred times. This is where the challenge starts. Most of the prevalent ‘beginner’-approaches we learn about are too broad in scope for us not to get overwhelmed right away, or they are more effective at a later stage of our reflection process. So, how do you keep yourself vom self-discovery-fainting? Here are five unconventional, beginner-friendly ways to become who you want to be, without burning out.
i. Find Gratitude in Previous ‘Bad’ Decisions Through Writing a Letter To Yourself
Yes, I know — everybody talks about gratitude. But there is a difference between listing all the things you are grateful for in your life and the suggestion I want to make. Here it is.
Write down the five perceived ‘worst’ decisions you ever made in your life, why you think they were a poor choice and why you had to decide at that moment in time. When listing those ‘bad’ choices, try to come from a place of understanding — as if you were your own best friend listening to your regrets. Now, flip your angle and write down the following for each choice:
i. Thank yourself for making a choice.
If you had to make one back then — your decision was based on your knowledge at that time and not on everything you know now. If there was no need to make a choice right there and then, formulate the reason why you understand you still made a decision. It may help you at this point to list ways that being indecisive could have been worse than making that allegedly ‘wrong’ decision.
ii. List one thing you were able to learn in the days, months, or years after making that decision, which is directly linked to dealing with the outcome of your choice. Something positive you would not have learned through being indecisive or making another choice.
Now is the time to get out your best writing pen or computer — you are going to write a letter to yourself.
Use the information you just conducted and tell your former self why you are grateful for the decision she/he has made, why you understand and appreciate her choices, as well as why they weren’t as bad as you thought they were, after all. Formulate at least one sentence starting with ‘Thank you, for …’ for each elaborated choice and try to be as specific as possible.
ii. Start Your Energy-Journal
We all want to occupy ourselves with positive thoughts, positive feelings and positive activities. How many people do you know, that are fully aware of what gives them energy and what exhausts them? I tried energy-journaling myself for about a month straight and it was enlightening. That’s how it works:
Take a notebook and each day — you choose the time and setting for your journaling experience — you write down answers to the following questions.
i. When did I feel energized today?
ii. What activity/task was I doing?
iii. Which tools did I use? Which senses did I need?
iv. Ask your friends, family, neighbours, workmates, or study colleagues:
When do you feel my presence more intensively? Did you notice something, that I am doing repeatedly, which changes the energy within and around me for the better?
What this essentially does is provide insights into where your energy comes from and where you lose it. It shows tendencies on what you enjoy doing and what you don’t. Plus, knowing when others perceive you more strongly can be a big support in finding your ‘WHY’, or so-called ‘Dharma’ (more on ‘Dharma’ can be found in Jay Shetty’s book — see book recommendations below).
Although there are always mandatory tasks, that we won’t enjoy as much, the energy-journal allows you to schedule your time differently. Make time for activities that spike your energy level daily and plan your unpleasant tasks around them.
iii. Read Only a Few Books — Not 100
The two most frequently asked questions I get are: “Which books can you recommend for self-development?” and “Where did you get all this knowledge from?”. In the past two years, I have read about one hundred different books on self-improvement and living a fulfilling life, listened to numerous podcast episodes from different editors and watched dozens of talks as well as videos on youtube — and let me tell you, mostly they are saying similar things differently. That is by no means a bad thing — but reading, hearing and seeing the same content a thousand times is unlikely to progress your journey at a faster pace. If there is one piece of advice I want to give you right now, it’s this: less theory, more practice. You sure need some theory before putting anything into life practice, but the real progress comes from actually ‘being in the arena’ — as Brené Brown put it.
From everything I have read, I want to suggest two books with different approaches, that are likely to include a relatable method for everyone.
Here are my two favourite books, for anyone on the self-discovery path:
i. Jay Shetty — Think Like A Monk
ii. Brené Brown — Daring Greatly
For specific topics in the area of personal development, here are some bonus books that help:
iii. Elaine Aron — The Highly Sensitive Person
This was an eye-opener for me for many reasons. I never knew I was a highly sensitive person before I read this book — actually, I had never even heard of it. It provided me with a deep understanding of previous personal struggles and helped me see my potential. If you think you might be an emotionally extra-capable person, this is the book for you.
iv. David Goggins — Can’t hurt me
I read this book at the end of 2020 and it has transformed the way I approach goal-setting and motivational long hauls forever. 100% worth the read, if you are the kind of person who makes plans but never executes.
There is a nice summary of the biggest take-aways from the book on Medium by Chip Franks here.
v. James Clear — Atomic Habits
A brilliant book on how to form habits with a hands-on approach. From the first baby steps to lifelong endurance — this book has you covered.
vi. Alex Banayan — The Third Door
This was one of the first books I read that inspired me to chase my dreams and transform my life for the better — on a personal, as well as business level. It is not a ‘How To’-Guideline but more a book that inspires you to believe in your dreams and work hard to make them happen.
The Perspective Makes All The Difference — Break Out of Pandora’s Box
Most of us aren’t struggling to keep going when we are already on the self-improvement train — it’s the launch of our personal-growth career that’s tough and confusing. Why? Because the first interaction with your deepest fears, underlying beliefs and character traits is likely to feel like opening Pandora’s box. Over time I have learned, that not confronting yourself with what you want from your life, staying in the lane you, as well as others, have paved for yourself since childhood and never questioning the status quo, is equal to staying inside Pandora’s box — rather than being outside of it. If you are willing to challenge yourself and the life you are living, there might be a different world waiting for you on the other side. Or you might become a lot more confident if your reflection work greenlights your current path.
Either way — work first, then pleasure.
Maiken Greimel is social entrepreneur, author of the world’s first 100% sustainable travel guides ‘LowImpactGuides’, pollution photographer and people-enthusiast.
