5 Behaviors That Show Someone is Emotionally Unstable
And how to bring emotional stability to one’s life.
“Your emotions are very unstable and should never be the foundation for direction in your life.” — Joyce Me
How do you decide things in your life?
Most of our daily decisions are the products of our emotions. They can be destructive or constructive, depending on the emotion that drives them. But without emotions, we don't make decisions.
Emotions are at the driving seat of the decision-making process. While reason acts as a controller of the excess, it works much of a monitor and provides reasonable directions.
Emotions are the driving forces of a person. They are the impulses that compel you to act. However, all emotions are not inherent traits of one’s personality. We gain them through certain circumstances.
After years of research, Lisa Feldman Barrett also claims in her book “How Emotions Are Made: The Secret Life of the Brain Hardcover” that emotions are not inborn but built by external forces. We learn emotions through years of experience.
Emotional stability brings a balance in life to deal with both negative and positive aspects. A balanced life means you react as per the demands of the situation. And you are controlling your emotions, not the other way round.
However, emotional instability brings chaos and destruction to one’s life. Being emotionally unstable is just like a ride on a rollercoaster. A person wants to get off the ride, but he lacks the know-how of getting off.
Many factors can cause emotional instability in a person. It can be childhood trauma, injury, abuse, failure, or any other event that can turn one’s life upside down.
Such traumas, abuse, and other events often plunge a person into depressions, anxiety, and disappointment. Once in such a state, a person becomes susceptible to develop Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder (EUPD), also known as Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD).
In such a state, a person has a distorted view of one’s own self and others. They belittle/themselves, have an unstable relationship, find it difficult to manage their emotions, fluctuates between two extremes, show rashness, and mood changes are common things for people suffering from (BPD).
The modern world poses myriads of challenges. We are all after success, money, happiness, glamor of the world, and many other shinning things attract us. We always think that we are behind others. This thought put us in an undue competition that is worth nothing.
To get all these and avoid lagging, we work hard, day in and day out, hoping to get what we strive for soon. But we face failure, don’t come up to expectations, and fall behind in certain areas. Few people have the courage to start over again because they know that a constant struggle is important to achieve a goal. At the same time, others lose their will and lose themselves.
A recent report shows that 2.8 percent of the USA population is suffering from BPD. The reports show that women are the hard-hit, and their ratio is higher than men as it stands at 75 percent.
Symptoms of BPD as per The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM)
- Heightened fear of sudden abandonment of imagined or real relationships and desperately avoiding such situation
- Oscillating between two extremes of relationship such as one time you hate someone and another time you love them the most
- Distorted self-image and rapidly shifting values and goals or sometimes doubting your existence
- Persistent feeling of emptiness and boredom
- Unruly and extreme anger that results in guilt and shame
- Reckless and violent behavior swings such as unsafe excessive sex, risky driving, gambling, drug abuse, or ending a beautiful relationship, or sabotaging a successful job career
- Fanciful living, away from harsh realities of life, paranoia that lasts from few minutes to few hours
- Self-destructive acts such as suicidal attempts/thoughts, self-injury, as a reaction to rejection or break up
- Successive periods of depression, anxiety, down mood, and irritability may last for a few days
These symptoms may vary from person to person depending on their situation, gender, and age. Various other factors may also bring variations. However, if someone feels some of these behaviors successively, that person may be struggling with his mental health and needs a competent psychiatrist.
These symptoms can manifest their shapes through certain behaviors and traits. Here are the 5 behaviors that show someone is emotionally unstable.
1. Emotionally Unstable People Show Reckless Behavior
This is the most dangerous situation a person can be in. I have been suffering from anxiety and developed BPD. I have experienced how risky this inclination is. I would drive my bike so recklessly that I almost lost my life but was saved miraculously.
The reckless behavior involves various other extremes, where a patient gets inclined toward self-harm through unsafe sex, addiction, substance abuse, and wasting money on unnecessary shopping.
A person with BPD often can’t control his mind. The rashness and recklessness give them a sort of high feeling, which quickly turned into guilt and shame soon.
They act irresponsibly that makes them downcast in society. People don’t trust them. They are viewed as a threat and danger. People try to avoid them.
2. They Overreact or Under-react to the Matters at Hand
An emotionally unstable person doesn’t know how to react to something. They overreact to things that are too small to show reaction even. They may overreact over friends coming late to a party or a partner forgetting to do something.
They often under-react to serious matters. They become susceptible sometimes, while at other times, they become senseless. They don’t know how to give a proper reaction.
My grandad died those days when I was suffering from anxiety and depression. I felt that my reaction wasn’t proper. Why everyone was sad, and why didn’t I feel the same way. I was fighting this in my mind.
But sometimes, I overreact to tiny matters. I can’t help it. But whenever I do that, I quickly try to reverse everything.
3. They Lack Stability in Relationships
Emotionally unstable people find it difficult to keep a balanced and stable relationship with friends and family. They get so sensitive that a simple tint in mood can stir their extreme anger. They oscillate between too much loving at a time or too much hate with a passage of few moments.
Their emotions of hate and love change with slight variations in their mood or acts. No matter how much you have loved them or they have loved you, it won’t take them seconds to throw water on everything and get cold the next second.
When my spouse started too many complaints about my rude behavior and the anger I would show on everything, I realized I had a problem.
She said that I overreact to everything and seem to be angry all the time. She was right. I sensed that, but I couldn't help it.
To reverse the normal, I studied articles and consulted a few psychologist's friends indirectly, without telling them what happened to me.
The whole stuff I gathered had one similar thing — practice tolerance and calmed deliberately. Take everything light and don’t too much serious.
I practiced tolerance, although it was hard in the initial days. But it helped me regulate my emotions. I got control of myself gradually. Whenever I would come home, I would deliberately smile on my face and start playing with my children for a while. It had an amazing effect on our relation and my well-being. It really worked.
4. They Get Angry at Trivial Things
I noticed those days I get angry at small and meaningless things. I would get angry at everything. This behavior created much of the space between my wife and me. My kids also feared coming near me. They would avoid me most of the time while doing anything. Because they thought I would get angry. And they were right. I was like that.
My anger not only put them in a difficult situation, but it also put them in various dangerous situations. My anger in-home would make me angrier, and I would always be ready to put a fight outside with anyone. My reasons were often blinded, and I would find excuses to fight someone.
Although I didn’t intend to hurt someone, my mouth was out of control and gave scolds to everyone. I was too sad about that condition.
My emotional instability added more to my mental problems. I was fighting with myself deep down all the time. I kept myself in solitude and avoided almost all contact with people.
But I changed this situation. I changed it by taking everything lightly. I would deliberately laugh at anything deep down in my heart that would make me angry or sad. I would say to myself; this can’t drive you. You are not cattle. You are a man, and you have control over yourself.
This question, “Are you cattle?” saved me. I would ask it myself before anything that had the potential to get me angry. And I would answer myself, “No, I am a human and this thing can’t drive me to do what it wishes.”
So, my reason would take a driving seat. And it saved me from anger.
5. They Lack an Identity
Such people have no self-identity. They are constantly changing their identity to fit into society. This is because of the inferiority complex. Their goals, ideals, styles, opinions, traits, and values constantly change. They become copycats. They can’t live with their true identity.
They are suffering from the problem of conformity. They want to mimic others to make themselves look normal and suitable for the occasion.
People with unstable emotions are highly susceptible. They get easily influenced and try to assimilate different people around them to look like them.
I tried to copy the smiling style of one of my seniors. I tried to walk like people I thought were better than me. I talked like others. In this confusion, I totally lost myself.
But after years of struggles, I finally learned that no one notices you. If they notice, they notice your uniqueness. The way you talk and walk naturally. Not the way you copy.
After years, I am more myself than others. And I am happier with it now. Being myself is so sexy. It gives me tons of confidence.
Final Thoughts
Emotionally unstable people have a hard time knowing themselves and the surrounding people. They find it hard to keep a stable relationship. Their anger often destroys them and robs them of their beautiful relationships with family and friends.
They also have a distorted sense of self-image and try to copy others to give themselves a sense of suitability. They suffer from an inferiority complex as well as they can’t control their stress and anger. They often act irresponsibly and show impulsive behavior.
But they don’t do these things deliberately. They can’t help it. They need attention and love. They have just lost their way. They can be brought back to normalcy by therapies and changes in lifestyle. The medication also helps a lot.
It’s not a shame to suffer from mental health. Don’t hide it. Just share it with your friends and family. Consult a doctor. Let your family and friends help you become normal.
But most of all, you must have a will to become normal. It would help if you deliberately controlled yourself. And you can do it by changing your attitude, response, and reaction to certain things. You can improve your mental health by changing your lifestyle.
You can cure your emotional instability by accepting it. You can live a normal life by accepting your own self.
