5 Powerful Life Lessons I Learned From an Existential Crisis
And how they could help you
We all bump into that giant at one point or another in life.
That looming tower of rejection named doubt, who loves playing point guard against all of our hopes, dreams, and beliefs.
If the presence of doubt endures for too long, we naturally begin shopping around for new perspectives on love, friendship, society, and even morality — not always conducive to a prosperous and happy lifestyle.
Nihilism may trickle in through the cracks of our egoic armor, and pessimism might begin to feel like the most rational visor through which life should be viewed.
As someone who has made this universal mistake, and worn the beefiest armor I could find, I wouldn’t recommend it. At least not until the courage to accept the existential situation has been found, and our armor is voluntarily removed.
Instead, consider that old adage where every experience we face is an opportunity in disguise, even (especially) our wildest nightmares.
Here are 5 powerful life lessons I learned from an existential crisis:
1. You can run, but you can’t hide.
Another old adage, originally attributed to boxing legend Joe Louis as a clever remark foreshadowing his impending fight with the brilliantly swift light weight champion Billy Conn. Knocked out once already by the reigning champ due to overconfidence, Conn’s round two revenge was already underway. When the media asked Louis what he thought about fighting Conn a second time, Louis responded, “He can run, but he can’t hide”. — Polo Grounds, NYC 1941
He was right. Joe Louis knocked out Billy Conn again, in the 8th round.
We can’t run from our fears, because they live in a subjective cage with us. We can very gracefully dodge, and feign jabs, and dance around the ring waiting for the ding-ding-ding, but the fears that cause us to routinely fail at our goals in life will follow us wherever we may go; they are generated from within, not accumulated from an outside world.
Our fears are like inner movies unfurling on the “screen” of the world, but we are the projectors. That is the secret to overcoming suffering and how we can turn our aversions into something useful: by owning them.
The only Zen at the top of the mountain is the Zen you bring with you.
— Robert M. Pirsig
2. Nothing lasts forever.
Wait, another adage?! I’m like a platitude loaded shotgun, peppering the internet with rounds of cliche camouflaged as “universal truth”.
Regardless of originality, the finite nature of everything remains a fact, and this negates all personal ownership from an existential perspective.
Things in life are a lot like intellectual property; it really feels like an idea is yours — and then you die. And suddenly everyone owns it or it becomes common knowledge, and before you know it a modern day preschooler is wiping their bottom with an invention that took a 17th century scientist a lifetime of blood, sweat, and struggle to conceive.
Everything is always shifting. Even the truth is a moving target, swept along with the sands of time. When shaken by life’s turbulence, choosing to hold onto anything but yourSelf will only result in harsh disillusionment down the road.
By accepting the impermanence of life, we enter the eye of the storm, and find the only true source of stability available in a constantly moving world, the center.
We are awakened to the profound realization that the true path to liberation is to let go of everything.
— Jack Kornfield
3. We don’t really control anything.
We plan, we plot, we scheme. Where does this leave us other than up to our necks in more problems that need solving?
This is what happens when we make specific plans about the future and emotionally attach expectations to them — we suffer. And we don’t suffer because we were inadequate and failed to see the obstacles ahead… we suffer because the quantity, form, and randomness of the obstacles ahead were and always will be incalculable.
So give yourself a break.
Recently, I boarded a commercial plane to another country knowing the flight would be exceptionally long and tiresome. I had failed to secure a window seat and was separated from my travel companions for financial reasons, adding additional boredom to the trip.
I could fill a sizable book with the amount of frustrating mishaps that went wrong for me and my party during that flight (someone slapped my fiancés glutes…), and I probably will someday, but it wasn’t until I relaxed and stopped trying to compulsively fix everything that my perspective brightened and the power of the present moment revealed itself.
The situation became far more clear and manageable after I had found that place within myself that doesn’t feel the constant need to be a total control freak.
Ultimately — life is just going to play out however it plays out, so making peace with that makes sense to me, and certainly requires less effort than putting up a fight.
In the midst of a violent winter, I found there was, within me, an invincible summer.
— Albert Camus
4. There are no great people.
Yes, yes, some people seem great. There have been great Civil Rights leaders, dynasty moguls, and religious martyrs popping on and off the pages of history for thousands of years, this is true. But what’s stopping you from joining their ranks?
What’s the difference between the exceptional and the mundane?
Perspective.
I’ve been known to overuse this word, only because it’s useful for explaining the subjects I muse about. But truly, the way someone appears to you is fully dependent on how you see them and what you value.
Some people are certainly greater than others at specific activities. For example, top performers in specific niches, like: sports, games, art forms. Again, some people are “realistically” more beautiful, and others still are “objectively” more intelligent. Yet, these consensuses still revolve around perspective.
Even so, when we talk about really great people in the way I mean, it implies an unreasonably high bar of moral character for the candidate, and in my experience there isn’t a person alive who won’t lie, steal, cheat, or pretend to be something their not — given the proper motivation.
At the end of the day everyone has their secrets, skeletons exist in all closets, and what we think we know about a person will always just be the tip of a vastly convoluted iceberg, and that’s a beautiful thing.
Half beast, half concept — the human is a mysterious creature.
If you have a hero, look again: you have diminished yourself in some way.
— Sheldon B. Kopp
5. Progress is an illusion.
Many people describe progress like it’s a straight arrow, shot from a divine bow of pure intentions, destined to hit the bullseye. I don’t see it this way.
Each progressive issue is like its own ring. When the progressive push or conservative pull of that issue has reached its social limit, it simply swings around to the polar end of the circle. Some new generation of thinkers pop up and declare the traditional consensus as oppressive and outdated, reigniting the momentum of the wheel until the concept reaches the other limit (end of the 180° arc) and is flipped by the crowd’s opinion once again in 20–30 (or 2,000-3,000) years; reintroduced under a new name.
More often than not when we believe ourselves to be solving issues, we are really just kicking up dust. And when the inevitable process of entropy mucks up our plans, we point fingers and throw up our hands while the world wilts around us. Yes, lighter fluid does kill the weeds, but it also burns down forests. And poisons the wildlife. And corrupts the soil. Better to have just left the weeds alone.
We can’t completely eradicate evil with blunt force; it will only multiply. What we can do is disperse and minimize it temporarily by way of an authentic relationship with nature and a firm acknowledgement of all her quirks.
Despite the outcome our actions will have in the area of human “progress”, I still believe we have a responsibility to at least try and work toward a “better” world — whatever that means.
Otherwise, what’s the point of any of this?
Progress is the injustice each generation commits with regard to its predecessor.
— Emil Cioran
Thanks for reading!
Stay tuned for more blasphemous reading material.
I truly have no agenda when I write and publish. My only goal is to hopefully produce something that can be of service to one or many readers lives, on and off the pages of Medium, while also providing myself with a much needed therapeutic outlet. Unfortunately, the only thing I have to offer is my experience, so take it with a grain of salt from the rim of a slightly sus margarita.
My credentials may be plastic, but I’ll never lie to you.
— Alex
