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A Letter To My Inner Critic
a realization of sorts
Dear Inner Critic,
I know who you are. I see you.
I hear you, your voice flows like a mantra in my head. You whisper to me lies as a form of protection. You fuel self-doubt and fear like little wildfires. You reinforce the conformity of my choices, where logic overrides passion.
And I’ve listened to you, my Inner Critic.
I’ve believed your honeyed words, seducing me to dim that inner light. Encouraging me to slow the flow of my words in creative abandon.
I understand that you were created to keep me safe, but also to create the limiting beliefs I have, and sometimes do, ascribe to. I see that you are the voice born of my insecurities and doubts, fears and disappointments.
Your purpose is to show me the shadow of myself.
Perhaps unknowingly you gave me a gift, a gift to better know myself. For how can I be a conduit of my words if I didn’t fully embrace the fullness of your purpose? To accept that I am human, living a human experience. That there is purpose in dark, as well as in light. You’ve shown me the dark, Inner Critic.
Perhaps the lies you whisper are just the opposite of the truths of my soul. When you hint that my writing isn’t good enough or that no one would ever want to read it, I let those beliefs hold me back. When you remind me that I won’t be able to make a career out of writing, I give in to the fears for financial security. When you recommended that I put that manuscript away that I toiled over for seven years, I listened. I lean into the imposter syndrome time and time again.
And that’s okay, Inner Critic. I choose not to be angry, but instead I choose gratitude. You have a job to do, and you’ve served me well at times. I’m learning to understand not to run from you or shut you off, but to embrace you fully with all the love and compassion in my heart. Perhaps together we can find our voices, our words, so we can continue to create.
Were you ever jealous of the Muse? Don’t be. She is a part of me, just like you are. Where she encourages me to flourish, you give me opportunities to grow. You both serve me in different ways. I know now not to take your words at face…
