An Attempt at Healing Myself Through Stream of Consciousness Writing
Today, my breathing is not very smooth, and I suddenly thought that perhaps writing might help me.
What kind of garbage can come out of this?
I didn’t expect the first sentence to start like this.
I don’t really believe that this can produce something useful for people.
Two voices have already started fighting in my head.
Obviously, my first thought was to use this unconscious writing to expel the energy block that is hindering my breathing.
But just as I started, I thought maybe I could publish it on Medium.
Or even submit it to a publication I recently got approved for.
Maybe I could even edit it and post it on my public account.
Am I being too greedy?
When my writing is only for myself, I can write whatever I want.
If my goal is to process the energy within myself, I don’t need to consider whether it will be helpful to readers.
If I have to consider whether it will be valuable to readers — no, no, no, I can’t think this way.
Because when I start thinking this way, my fingers can’t move.
That energy block clogs me up even more.
Maybe there’s another way of thinking that can resolve this conflict.
Maybe this conflict is the source of this energy block.
When my inner thoughts are in conflict, instead of judging a thought or judging myself, such as thinking I’m being too greedy, is there another choice?
Yes.
When I start to have any judgment, the flowing energy at that moment tells me these judgments are because I don’t believe in more creative possibilities.
It’s because I don’t see the connection of all things.
My thoughts are trapped.
Staying in that narrow space, it thinks it can’t find a perfect solution.
In fact.
“In fact,” when my mind completely relaxes, I realize the word “in fact” is very wonderful.
Only when fully relaxed and energy is flowing can we see the “facts.”
In fact, I want to serve both myself and my readers through this writing, and there is no conflict at all.
Treat this as an experiment; this writing is an experiment.
Take the process of healing myself through unconscious writing as an attempt, an experiment.
This process is fully presented to all readers.
If this process helps me, maybe it will help you too.
See, with a slight shift in thinking, the problem is resolved.
The inner conflict is gone.
How about my breathing?
The breathing in my neck is much smoother; now, the base of my spine and the upper part of my lower back are still a bit blocked.
What else can I dig out?
My fingers have stopped. Frozen. My mind is blank.
Is there nothing left? When my mind stops, I should continue writing even more.
Where will this unconsciousness lead me?
I want to succeed, I want to make money, I want to get rid of debt, and I want to eliminate the anxiety of life.
These are my true voices, and I don’t dare to write them out, don’t dare to make them public.
Why am I afraid to face my debts?
With the most honest attitude, be absolutely true to myself and absolutely true to everyone.
If you believe that everything in this world is a projection of yourself, why must you maintain that self-image?
Why do you think that self-image can keep you safe?
Why do you think the collapse of that self-image would bring you great risk?
This is the crux of the matter.
You understand the truth of this world, understand that intention and willpower can easily bring everything you want to yourself.
Understand that a strong and relaxed intention will lead to the most natural and creative actions.
But, you still don’t dare to face the truth.
You still maintain an external image that you once carried.
All your past pain, anxiety, and unhappiness are because you are maintaining this self-image that is not your true identity.
Your true identity is far greater than this pathetic self-image.
Why do you still shrink yourself and maintain that meaningless, turtle-shell-like self-image?
If you have long wanted to discard these things but still cling to them tightly.
The true voice within you will inevitably create a series of events to collapse this identity.
Writing these words at this moment is equivalent to making a choice.
Actively giving up all the images I am still trying to maintain, giving them up inside, and announcing this abandonment to the outside world.
Starting anew to create my identity without any old burdens.
Breathing is much smoother now; that’s all for today.
