Be the Hero of Your Own Story
Rewrite you story when feeling triggered
Once again, there he was, for a short moment in my life. I met him at a festival, and we spent an evening together, touching, playing, listening to music, and dancing.
When I got home from that evening, I had trouble calming myself and regulating my emotions. I couldn’t sleep for several hours, even though I was exhausted from the festival. I tried breathing exercises and listening to guided meditations with no luck.
The next day at the festival, I bumped into him several times. He walked with his friends. I later asked if he wanted to sit with me again, but he said he was feeling overwhelmed and needed his space. The one meeting was too much for him, just as it was too much for me, but with the opposite reaction, I suppose.
The thing is, we both got triggered but in different ways. He’s doing his avoidance thing, shutting down and needing his own space to regulate. Meanwhile, I need the opposite. I need to be held and reassured. My body gets anxious, even though I try to logically calm it down.
I think he tried to reassure me the last time I bumped into him at the festival. He was clear about needing space, but he also said that he does want me. I think I remember him saying that anyway. But the encounter is kind of hazy in my mind as alcohol had a strong grip on me at that time.
Once again, I had trouble sleeping. I keep thinking about him and the group of people that he is seeing in the kink community. I feel excluded.
This is the time to rewrite my story. He is not supposed to be the main character in my life — I am. I should be the hero of my own damn story.
So this is for me, and this is also for you if you have the same struggles. Let’s rewrite our story and become the hero.
The festival is over, and I have been tired for the past few days. There is something I want to discuss with him before Friday, as an event is coming up, and he asked if I wanted to join. But that depends on the circumstances, and I need to know a few things before I decide. At the festival, he suggested we should speak on the phone before the event, but he is not ready to speak just yet. I am giving him his space.
What would the main character in a story do? The hero usually faces hardships and struggles; otherwise, it would be a damn boring story. But she uses the pain to her advantage, to become stronger and better. She uses the emotions as fuel to improve her life.
I have been using my time after the festival to prepare a speech for this evening. As always, this makes me very nervous, but luckily it also keeps me focused, so I have had my own things to tend to.
The hero, Dolores, is making the final changes to her speech. As she notices the tingling sensations in her body, shaking her off the ground, she stands firm in her belief: Life is a playground. You need to experiment and have the courage to do things that take you out of your comfort zone. But at the same time, you need to practice grounding and breathing.
She takes a deep breath and lets the air escape with a big sigh. And one more. Today will be her day. She will shine. And no matter the outcome, she has had the courage to challenge herself. She tries to calm herself with small encouragements. She keeps the words from her brother close in her mind: “You’ll do great! You rock!”
Meanwhile, thoughts of him linger in her mind. She knows that the ball is in his court now. If he wants her to join the event on Friday, he will contact her. But it’s okay no matter what, she thinks, trying to calm herself down. So what if he doesn’t? Then maybe another time. And maybe not.
He needs his space. She used to think that he didn’t care as much as she did. And maybe he doesn’t, but she has recently turned the story around. It’s not because she’s not good enough, as she has felt so many times. She’s not the underdog anymore. He is the one with the long-term issues. He is doing his best to work on those issues, but it takes time. Let him be the hero in his own story. Let him grow his own wings and learn to fly by himself. You cannot tame a dragon by force.
“I let the Universe take the course,” she tells herself. “It doesn’t matter is he contacts me er not. I’ll just do my own thing based on what I know, and let the uncertainty flow through me.”
She takes another deep breath. And as she lets the air out, she feels empowered. She looks at the pedestal in her head, where he used to stand firm. He’s not there anymore; he stepped down, lying on the floor, curled in a fetal position. She thinks of him with compassion as she takes her place on her mental pedestal. “It’s my time to shine,” she thinks as she returns to the final details in her speech.
