Beautiful Voice
Loving yourself is not an easy task, especially since we compare ourselves with others. In my case I grew up watching on television the perfect skin or people with impressive bodies.
When I was a child I had a few extra kilos. When I was about to enter secondary school, my mother worried that others would make fun of me, she would tell me her fears and she would tell me the teasing she suffered when she was a child. “You need to eat better”, that was a constant, at that time I did not know that those were his fears reflected in me. She did it with good intentions, since she did not want him to suffer. And I don’t blame her, that was her way of worrying about me and why I wouldn’t suffer, especially in a world that is already cruel.
And that’s how I began to doubt what I was worth as a person, I began to hate my body and there were times when I preferred to skip meals, on the pretext that I had to study.
Being a teenager is already a complicated stage, your body is changing. And I was trying to hide under layers of clothing. It could be the hottest monitor, and I still had a jacket on. I was avoiding mirrors and I also started to hate my voice a bit.
“Speak like a man,” my mother told me, another fear she had because she did not want the world to be cruel to me. My voice always had a certain tone, but with this comment I started to hate it.
I avoided at all costs having a photograph taken of me or a video taken of me, I began to move away from the mirrors and say hurtful things to myself. I was telling myself how little I was worth.
It was because of these insecurities that I looked outside for someone who would make me feel worthwhile.
That was a big mistake, I was leaving it up to someone else to decide if I was or was not. Let him manipulate me and decide how I dressed and how I should behave.
That led me to annul myself, to stop being me.
It was with the passage of time, that there were things that made me uncomfortable and that made me feel bad.
When I met two people who became my best friends, they allowed me to be that person with their quirks, and this opened up a new world of self-discovery for me. They unknowingly brought me to the awareness of those wonderful things that I had overlooked.
Each being is unique, and within that which makes them unique there is beauty. You may not have a magazine body, but perhaps that mole gives you a beauty that you do not know.
I started to love myself, even so, it still tells me to see myself in a mirror. However, I try every day to tell myself that I like myself. Either my body, my voice or my way of being.
Kind voices are as well, beautiful voices.
Beautiful Voices
Inside of my head
Discovering selfless
Love of myself
Singing at my own rhythm
While I hug my inner child.
