Being Mindful About Anger
I have experience with anger. Who doesn’t? However, few seem to want to talk about it.
In the past or present, admitting to anger is like being weak or unattractive. Anger isn’t the best topic to bring up if you meet someone on a date or interview for a job. Nonetheless, we all have emotions.
Redefining Anger
The antique definition of anger is simple and very to the point. Basically, anger is an emotion of hostility that makes us lose control, act impulsively, and lash out at others. More specifically, a doctor might say, “anger is an emotion that is caused by a perceived threat. It’s the body’s natural response to feeling threatened, whether that threat is physical or emotional.”
However, those definitions came from observing deeds from afar. They don’t touch on the internal struggle that leads to anger. If you fall for that trap, you will never see things clearly.
Therefore, you have to assess anger from the inside. Why do you feel you have anger? This personal question cuts society and its standards out of the equation. You are not as you are defined, but that doesn’t mean you don’t have anger; it’s an emotion, and they are common in humans. What you need to focus on is how anger is manifesting in you. I think it is different for all people. I will use myself as an example.
Lost In an Odd Reality
I like the movie The Matrix (many do or did; I know). However, I related to Agent Smith, the villain, more so than Neo at certain times in the first movie. In particular, I love the scene where Smith gets fed up and tells Morpheus how he feels about the Matrix.
“Agent Smith: Can you hear me, Morpheus? I’m going, to be honest with you. I hate this place, this zoo, this prison, this reality, whatever you want to call it. I can’t stand it any longer. It’s the smell if there is such a thing. I feel saturated by it. I can taste your stink. And every time I do I feel I have somehow been infected by it. It’s repulsive, isn’t it? I must get out of here. I must get free and in this mind is the key, my key. Once Zion is destroyed there is no need for me to be here, don’t you understand? I need the codes. I have to get inside Zion, and you have to tell me how. You’re going to tell me or you’re going to die.”
You see, Smith, just like Morpheus, hated the Matrix. They both had disdain for the false reality, and they both had a purpose placed on their shoulders. That purpose put them against each other. If Smith had his way, he wouldn’t waste his time or energy hunting down human rebels. Therefore, the false reality, the Matrix, made war a requirement.
I related to Smith because I dislike the world we live in. I feel entrapped by the restrictions of society and flesh. Our flesh requires a constant need to consume and be consumed by something. We must breathe, eat, and move. At the same time, tiny organisms, doing similar redundant activities, live out their entire lives inside our bodies. If you bring society into the picture, everything becomes trendy and needlessly more stressful. In a society, we have to earn money to eat, move, and sometimes even breathe clean air, depending on air pollution. Society, in my mind, is nothing but a disorder. It irritates me. In fact, it angers me when I think of how the world is trapped in a delusion.
Understanding Anger
I like to dive deep into the cause of my anger since I can acknowledge it. Regarding what I said about society, I feel the angriest when wholly exhausted. I can’t convince anyone to feel how I feel. I can’t force society to dismantle. I can’t even leave society since globalization means that society’s sickness is everywhere. When I feel stuck and hopeless, my anger grows. From the outside, that is when someone could say I display hostility, passive-aggressiveness, etc. Afterward, they would look for the ‘trigger’ or point to a mental illness causing unneeded aggression. A therapist might walk me through steps to relieve anger more healthily.
However, my anger wasn’t triggered by a single deed. My anger results from not wanting to be in the reality I feel trapped in. So, my anger is complex, and there is no true solution.
In the same way I peeled away from my anger’s stigma, you will also have to. If you don’t, you will always assume your anger is out of hostility for no reason. You will get great at apologizing, but you will never stop feeling angry. That fuels the prejudice that states those who get mad “lose control” or are just evil by nature.
Looking at my anger from my angle, it is built atop frustration and hopelessness. I appear to be lashing out when I am fed up with pretending this nightmare is OK with me, or I am utterly confused. I feel threatened by society itself and backed into a corner by the rules of being alive. It’s complicated, but I would continue to be a victim of my anger if I never took the dive to understand it. Give it a try.
