Bittersweet Of Letting Go
Yes, letting go will never be just either bitter or sweet…
I love keeping everything I think that is sentimental for me. It’s not just gifts and letters, literally everything, even if that’s a crumpled paper or tissue.
I remember keeping a water bottle and ice cream cup because I wanted to recall the day when I had snacks with my friend on a sunny afternoon. I also kept a candy wrapper I received from a random person because I thought that gesture was nice.
Is it just me who’s adding value to everything I have? It was fun and all, but it added a lot of damage to me. It was melancholic seeing things associated with someone that did not have any connection with me anymore.
Discarding those “beloved” things was difficult. Convincing myself to throw them away was the hardest part. I just can’t let go of them. What if we get reconnected? What if this will be the last memory I will ever have from them?
Looking at it, my place became cramped. I have this memory box that contains all the “valuable” items I kept since high school, and it is now piled up and I cannot put the cover on anymore.
From the perspective of others, they will see that box as a trash can.
To be honest, some of those memory items are not beneficial to me. I just wanted to keep them for the sake of remembrance. That’s it. However, as time passed by, I slowly realized the more I keep things piled up, the more I felt stuck. As if there’s something holding me back from moving forward. Those memories were supposed to help me relive yesterday but they became weights on my shoulders. I romanticized the memory of yesterday and felt the fear of tomorrow.
One day, this year, I just woke up and thought of decluttering my stuff. I don’t know what pushed me to do this after years of holding on to my old stuff. Maybe I was just tired of being past-oriented? Ready to move forward?
I discarded all the items from people and situations that don’t have anything to do with me anymore. I felt a little regret every time I shredded the items one by one, but it felt liberating. As if I became a new person. No traces of the unnecessary yesterdays. It also gave me the closure I never needed and asked for, but needed to move forward. No more clinging to the past.
It was delightful to feel the bittersweet feeling of letting go…
Letting go cannot be just either sweet or bitter. Do you have the courage to endure the bittersweet feeling of letting go?
